Her buttons are strangely frightening, and yet ... strangely frightening.
-Daniel, 01/19/2004

No! That is not brain-scrubbing! I am not fooled!
-Batya, 01/19/2004

This is the wrong color for inscrutable, isn't it.
-Batya, 01/22/2004

On a still geekier note, Niven sure loves him some interdental fricatives.
-Ian (Umlaut), 01/28/2004

One in a million means there are eight of you in New York City.
-Ian on LJ, 01/29/2004

I mean, we'd all be middle-aged now, if we were living in the ... Middle Ages.
-Batya, 01/31/2004

I was with you right up until the radioactive hamsters.
-Batya on LJ, 02/03/2004

You two go together like peanuts and...other peanuts.
-Daniel on AIM, 02/05/2004

Daniel: If I wore the Bush-Cheney yarmulke to a con, would I be lynched by a rampaging mob of leftist radicals?
Batya: ...Doubtful.
Daniel: Darn. And here I was so hoping.
-AIM, 02/05/2004

It's tyrannical, but in a really, really halfassed way, as if Mussolini was having an off day and just didn't care anymore.
-SlowMotionWalter on irc, 02/18/2004

Batya: Shared pain is halved. Shared joy is doubled. Shared evil...
Missy: ...increases exponentially in a geometric progression not definable by modern mathematics.
-02/29/2004

You can't leave now. Not while she's talking about Uncle Moishy and the Mitzvah Men. It would be rude.
-Mary Bertke, 03/30/2004

Yes, it's a lot like lunch, except for the food.
-Meredith, 03/31/2004

Meredith: You're not kosher, are you?
Batya: Does she look like she has split hooves?
Meredith: ...You don't keep kosher, do you?
Mary: No.
Meredith: Great. Would you like to join me in a Krispy Kreme and beating the shit out of Batya?
Batya: ...this is so sudden.
-03/31/2004

Ian (Umlaut): So, when do I get to start trying to turn this into a conversation about Angel?
Batya: Uh ... *checks watch* ...now.
Ian: Ah, I'm right on time then.
-AIM, 05/01/2004

Batya: Oh, but Constance would make a wonderful supervillain!
Meredith: Yes, I know, but she's awfully busy.

Batya: I don't mind sharing the death, as long as I get some.

Meredith: Well, there is something to be said for the most complicated solution to any problem.
Batya: Yes. Usually, 'let's not.'
-phone conversation, 05/05/2004

You know, it's amazing that laser guns ever manage to work properly when the batteries are bipolar and the trigger is depressed.
-Daniel in AIM, 05/06/2004

Go lie down and have some camomile tea, I'll be done swearing in a minute.
-Meredith, 05/11/2004

...and Jonathan was all *martyr* and Clark was all *martyr* and Jor-El was all "okay! twofer!" and Lionel was all "do me, baby" and Chloe was all *die* and Lex was all *die* and I was all "buh?"
-Eli ("Greek" Toomey) discussing the Smallville season finale on AIM, 05/19/2004

I am large; I contain Meredith.
-Batya, 05/22/2004

This is Maimonedes. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
-Jon, 05/22/2004

We could put it on a t-shirt! And then we could put that t-shirt on another t-shirt, and then mail that t-shirt to ourselves! And when it arrived, no one would get it but us!
-Alex and Batya, 05/24/2004

Well, the "Evil" bit is tongue-in-cheek, at least when I say it. I'm using it as a euphemism for "Republican."
-Daniel in AIM, 06/05/2004

=====
Conterpoint IV, 06/11-06/13/2003

Jon: Oh, I get it. It's a matrilineal skyscraper.

Merav, in closet: There's a whole other room in here.
Batya: Really?
Merav: No.
Jordan: Welcome to Hotel Narnia.

Merav: This is my logistical brain.
Alex: This is your logistical brain on drugs.

Batya: Oh, Baltimore were paradise enow.

Eloise: But this is America. We schwa every unstressed vowel.

Merav: No, I'm out of yarn in a way that means I still have yarn.

=====

Me big strong manly girl.
Yeah, feed into my Amazon complex, why don't you. It's a good thing I'm only five foot six.
-Batya and Liz, 07/04/2004

Peace.
Love.
War.
Exactly.
-Eytan and Gabe, 07/05/2004

=====
Brunchmeet in the City, 07/11/2004
In attendance: Miri, Miriam, Dov, Kassandra, Batya, Yisroel, Firelily (Liz), Daybreaker, Slow Motion Walter

Batya: Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its snipe sheet!

Miri: (to Miriam) Why do you look so concerned?
Dov: You just mentioned that you've joined a basket-weaving cult.
Batya: Your religion iz pastede on yay.

Batya: We're early. Is that legal?

Batya: You have just cut the purse of Lord Voldemort. The remainder of your life will be short, but very interesting.
Dov: Press one now.

Batya: All I've eaten today is a nectarine.
Firelily: You've eaten a microwave?

Kassandra: I am not for burning!

Firelily: Ooh, a measuring tape! We could have all sorts of fun measuring things!

Batya: Exogamy makes more sense than incest, in this particular context. That's all I'm saying.

Batya: Why do you look all sad?
Yisroel: (sings) Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Batya: Nobody cares the troubles you've seen.
Yisroel: Exactly!

Firelily: I don't have eight hands, you know.
Slow Motion Walter: You should work on that.
Kassandra: Squid!

Miri: God's just fucking with the probabilities.

Firelily: There is a video camera. If you want to kill someone, you should do it here.

Yisroel: I take it that they didn't find the elevators yet.
Firelily: That is the elevator.
Yisroel: I was talking about me.

Police Officer: Who is in charge here?

Admiring the lions on the library steps...
Batya: There's the bear.
Miriam: No, that's a lion.
Batya: No, in the legend. "But above all things truth beareth away the victory."
Miriam: (turns to Dov) What do you have to do with all this?
Dov: Do you want the truth?

Miriam: (to Dov) No, you can't be a Ringwraith. Ringwraiths and hobbits are inherently incompatible.
Yisroel: In our modern, enlightened liberal society, we no longer have laws against miscegenation. What two mythological creatures do in the privacy of their own dungeon is their own business.

Batya: Our leader is Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg. He is not here.
Yisroel: Or we could give you the address of a gay guy in Australia.
Batya: Djeli is our temporal leader. Lore is our spiritual leader.

Batya: We avoided being harassed by cops here. This is a plus.
Yisroel: To be fair, we were the ones harassing the police.

Slow Motion Walter: Scary Spice is in "Rent."
Miriam: You mean Tim Curry.
Batya: Whah?
Firelily: Tim Curry in "Rent"?
Batya: Well, curry is a scary spice.

Firelily: Did you meet for the purposes of sex?
Slow Motion Walter: No, we met for the purposes of taking pictures of small children.
Firelily: Then the sex.

Firelily: You're selling your personality.
Batya: I'm not selling anything. Do you see anyone paying me?
Firelily: We're paying you in LOVE.
Batya: Love is not legal tender in this country!
Dov: We should change that.

Firelily: Who needs medical school? We've got Frappucinos!

Kassandra: A kick-line of tiny Elvises.

Dov: It burns like shinies!

Slow Motion Walter: I have my hand in his ass, don't I.

Yisroel: You love her more than me!
Batya: Yes, I do.
Yisroel: You're not my auntie anymore. Auntie Dov, will you buy me some candy?

Batya: Now, if you dropped a penny from that height in a vacuum...
daybreaker: Do you mean like an upright Hoover or a Dustbuster?
(pause, disgusted reactions)
daybreaker: I'm not proud of that, either.

Kassandra: Chocolate Silmaril! Oh, good God!

Slow Motion Walter: Does anyone want chocolate gummi bears?
Dov: Did you say "Tropic of Beavers?"

Dov: Your awake iz pastede on yay, right?

Miriam: So, where are you guys going?
Firelily: We're going to a Zagat-rated crackhouse.

=====

Typical. Men. They have their fun and then they just drift off into an accordion solo.
Yeah, that's happened to me.
Oh no, really?
No. But it was fun watching your face when I said it.
-Batya and Merav, 07/12/2004

I don't want to marry you! You're made of meat! Ew!
-Batya, 08/01/2004

Daniel: What in God's name are groats?
Talia: They sound like small animals.
Talia: Hunted on the arctic tundra for their luxurious coats.
Talia: (Because, they're groats. ...so, everyone wants a groat coat.)
Daniel: I'm thinking they're particularly murky waters surrounding a castle.
Talia: Maybe they're furry animals that live in moats.
Daniel: Because we all know that boats can float in a groat or a moat.
Talia: No, no, no-- you have to get the groat out of the moat to get its coat.
Batya: Groats? Are also known as kasha.
Batya: Surely you've encountered kasha before?
Talia: --sure, ruin our fun with buckwheat.
Daniel: Kasha? Oh, yeah, she's a good friend of mine, we went to high school together...
Talia: *sulks*
Batya: *swats you both* Now STOP that.
Daniel: Well, if the groats in the moats ate too many goats, you'd think that the coats would have bloats and'd be worth less than motes.
Daniel: Just thought I should leave you with these notes.
-AIM conversation, 08/08/2004

A Kyoto roll? That's a list of nations that care about the environment.
-Daniel, 08/09/2004

Yes, it took a Middle Eastern landmass to bring us together.
-Talia, 08/09/2004

=====
Brunchmeet BBQ in Queens, 08/15/2004
In attendance: Miri, Miriam, Dov, Kassandra, Batya, Yisroel, Brian (aka spamhead)

Batya: Come see the shiny!
Miri: Come help me make the food!
Batya: Shiiiiiny!

Brian: I don't normally look like a skinhead. I just want you to know that.

Dov: You didn't make your weapons.
Yisroel: I would, if I had a blacksmith's forge.
Dov: Is it my fault you don't have a blacksmith's forge in your apartment?
Yisroel: They didn't teach it in yeshiva.

Dov: Just because you have your ordination doesn't mean you can walk into a shul and say "Anoint me as your spiritual leader." I mean you can, but...

Kassandra: Mousie! Also evil curry.

Kassandra: Yay! Marinade of Doom!

Kassandra: We could always summon up Sauron to stare at the charcoal really hard, but then we'd have to deal with having Sauron around. And then he'd want to eat all the chicken.

Batya: This campfire brought to you by Denethor and sons.

Dov: (to the fire) Of course, you're free to catch at any time.
Batya: That'll do it.

Miri: Don't dig in the bottom stuff too much.
Dov: But there's buried treasure there!

Conglomerate, but mainly Batya:
Matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches CHARCOAL CHARCOAL matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches matches CHARCOAL CHARCOAL oh here comes a flaaame! ohh, it's a flaaame!...

Batya: I could talk for hours and not explain all the things that are wrong with that.
Kassandra: That's the point.

Kassandra: In other words, you bad man.
Batya: This just in: you bad man.

Brian: I will now be igniting myself.

Batya: Safe, sane, and consensual fire play!

Miri: (to Dov) Besides, what would Miriam do if you set yourself on fire?
Brian: Get marshmallows?

Batya: We do not eat the Precious! What is it saying!

Brian: I'll be strong, I'll be brave, and if not, I'll be in the bathroom.

Brian: I'll cut you!
Batya: Yo mama! (pause) Is that proper usage? I'm new at this.

Brian: Less arguing, more fire.

Yisroel: What am I supposed to do? Just stand here and look pretty?
Miriam: The part of Miriam Ben-Ezra will be played tonight by Yisroel.

Dov: Tonight's supper is going to be spamhead, spamhead, spamhead, chicken, and spamhead.

Brian: The fire was licking me in inappropriate places!

Dov: If God gave us VCRs, why are they impossible to program?
Batya: This from a man who learns Gemara?

Batya: See, if VCRs really were from God then the instructions would all be in the oral tradition. And you wouldn't be allowed to program one until you were 35.

Brian: Ow, with the poking! And...
Batya: Grilled spam! You are so lucky we keep kosher.

Kassandra: Tongs! For you! In your eyes!
Batya: Smoke! For me! In my eyes! Ow.

Brian: I say we should wrestle in jelly for it!
Batya: ...but he's in Australia!

Brian: Where do I come from? Well, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much.
Batya: And they also loved their science lab.

Batya: I could have had him beaten to death and had nothing to do with it. Why couldn't I have thought of that then?

Brian: You have popped my Brunchmeet cherry.
Batya: I have tried to think of a cruder way to put that, and I just can't.

Kassandra: Hugs for nothing and your snipe for free.

Miri: Oh, look! It's a marble on steroids!

Kassandra: Hoorah for rodent genetalia!

Yisroel: And the speed freak?
Miri: Is the male.
Yisroel: That explains a lot.

Dov: It wasn't just a visual. It was an olfactory of the cage.

Kassandra: Now I've got images of the circus mafia. Yeah.

Yisroel: You don't like tentacle monsters, do you?
Dov: No - I've never been into that sort of thing.
Miri: You don't like tentacle porn, do you?

-----

I'm a clone. I worked out a way I could come here and stay with Toba.
Are you an evil clone?
We haven't sorted out the division of labor yet.
-Yechiel and Batya, 08/16/2004

Oo, I like myself!
-Yechiel, 08/16/2004

We might have Talis at OVFF. How cool is that?
I'm still trying to assimilate "new apartment."
I'm trying not to. Work with me here.
-Batya and Alex, 08/24/2004

Why, Talia-brain? Why did you just write a poem about chickens?
-Talia, 09/12/2004

Batya: Ah, the needless-clarification/deliberate-misinterpretation. Everybody's favorite game.
Jon: Well, not actually everybody's favorite.
-09/26/2004

What is it with Jews and really bad puns? And WHY CAN'T YOU STOP?
-McDuff, 10/14/2004

...well, that was sort of a surreal outing. My mother and I went to buy a J.D. Salinger book and a carton of potatoes.
-Talia, 10/24/2004

And then we realized that zombie romance is only fun in the abstract.
-Seanan, 10/29/2004

*staring at novel* Wow, does my pathology look big in this?
-Talia discussing NaNoWriMo, 11/19/2004

Me? Morbid? Perish the thought! Perish it and bury it in a graveyard full of skeletons. -Talia, 11/22/2004

How do you spell synesthesia?
Blue, orange, smell of onions...
-Merav and Jon, 11/30/2004

Dude. My mother's new microwave talks.
...this is different.
It's scary! I was just starting to recover from the trauma of self-flushing commodes, and now this.
-Valerie and Batya on AIM, 12/01/2004

Be amazed by my Tetris-like chicken stacking skills!
-Seanan, 12/27/2004