...And Miri's elf stocking cap.
In case she ever wants to stalk elves.
--Batya and Yisroel, 01/17/2002

I like women who are skinnier than I am. Which narrows the field a bit.
...So to speak.
--Yisroel and Batya, 01/17/2002

=====
Wedding Party for Jennifer and Aron, 01/20/2002

Batya (re infant niece Sarah): She's going for the knives already. I'm so proud.

Batya: That is creepy beyond words. There are little faces on my soup bowl.
Miriam: They're gargoyles. Protecting your soup.

Elan: No! Not the mobile electronic snipe sheet!
Batya: Yes. And that is going on it.

Miriam: It's phyllo dough. But not literature dough.

Miriam: There's no rest for the snipe keeper.

=====

I hold no feathers up to the wind at noon.
See, I don't even know what you meant by that.
Neither do I, so it's all good.
--Miriam and Batya, 01/24/2002

It frightens and confuses me and I want it to go awaaaay.
So you want the link?
Yeah.
--Batya and Missy, 01/24/2002

Okay, I have a serious quandary here. Kittens or hobbits? Kittens or hobbits?
--Batya, 01/27/2002

=====
Miri's Birthday Party, 02/02/2002
In attendance: Miri, Alex, Batya, Merav, Jon, Constance, La, Yisroel, Meredith, & others

Yisrael, quoting a non-Jewish GM explaining stats from Paranoia: Chutzpah? That's kind of like a Jewish aura.

Meredith: I'm having a context problem. Just go on without me.

Merav: I have a thing that drips. I am happy.

Meredith: Guilty pleasure is one thing, but guilty boredom, why bother?

Batya: If we wait for Yisroel to show up we'll be here all night, and not in a good way.

Alex: It's a storage tesseract!
Batya: It's a dessert topping!

Constance: I am the cat-deprived. Pity me.

Meredith: At least it wasn't the Polish Mafia.
Yisroel: What? They'd drop him in the river with styrofoam shoes on?

Meredith: Somehow that was a lot more subtle before you helped.

Merav: Do you like Meatloaf?
Miri: Well, I like some meatloaf. I like Sa's meatloaf.
Merav: No, no, the singer.

Jon: Now is the time on Sprockets when we leave.

=====
Brunchmeet in New Jersey (Sit & Stare), 02/10/2002
In attendance: Sandy (nebulous menace), Helen, Alex, Batya (Toon), Miriam (Harmonious), Miri (MiriYami), Dov (the silent speaker), Annette (IsMaryann_WantsToBeGinger), Chad (Jack Havoc)

Alex: That explains ... almost nothing.
Dov: Then I've done my job well.

Batya: Because sugar high is more fun than being drunk, and you can drive afterwards.
Helen: But then you crash. Uh, not the car....

Chad: This is perilously close to being a party. There's music and food and cool people.

Miri: Wait, Cordy's part demon?
Alex: She converted.
Miri: Batya, thwap Alex for me.
Batya: First I snipe, then I thwap.

Batya: Aaaa! A six-foot bunny! [Miri stares] No, not you.

Chad: She's trying to use her Geek Sense, but Willow and Xander are right there....

Batya: Pastel paisley Elder God! ...Doo-dah, doo-dah.

Batya: Stakes, garlic, holy water, and ... communion wafers. Either that or Ritz crackers.
Chad: No, they're Jeez-Its. ...Everything tastes better when it's sittin' on the Body of Christ.
Sandy: Blaspheme-y goodness.
Alex: Mmmm, sacrelicious.

Sandy: What are you gonna believe? Me or some stupid facts?

Chad: You say bad things about Tony Hillerman. That makes me sad.

Dov: What is this with the shambling undead Douglas Adams?

Chad: You know what they say; Slow Motion Boob-Cam adds ten years.

Batya: Han Sulu. He knows Lando Molari.

Batya: We have no cable.
Annette: And we must scream.

Dov: The first rule of nightclub is, you do not talk about nightclub.

Alex: Well, either it's raining or the roads have started to sweat.

Helen: Ew, the world has body odor.

Batya: Well, sure, we disagree, but we don't argue violently. We don't have fights where we call each other names and throw things at each ... well, no, we do that for fun.

=====

I tried marinating chicken in poetry, but I get papercuts.
-Dave Weingart on #filkhaven, 02/13/2002

=====
Dinner in the City, 02/24/2002

Batya: "Pat the Bunny" is not a Jesus metaphor.

Alex: Let's decide where we're going for dinner and go there.
Merav: Ireland.

Jon: It's the Blue Sky of Death! The world crashed!
Merav: Just so long as they don't reboot it with Windows 98.

Batya: ...such as assuming that trousers were inherently masculine garb.
Merav: Obviously no one ever gave our forefathers a wedgie.

=====

There's a likely scenario. Batya arrives at Lunacon and promptly goes to her room and stays there.
--Constance, 03/14/2002

=====
Lunacon, 03/15-17/2002
In attendance: lots of people

Merav: Look! An infinite number of hair thingies!

Alex: The night is young. But the squire is middle-aged, so it balances out.

Guy: Uh, we're Paradox Engine. Science-fiction-folk-metal-rock-classical-jazz fusion.
Dave: You know, I really hate to see you limit yourself that way.
Alex: But mostly, they're all Labrador Retriever.

Batya: No, no, the last thing we need is more sheep filks!

Batya: Aaa! My badge is eating my hair!

Dave: ...how to avoid death and dismembership. Ment. Dismemberment.
Batya: Death and dismembership? That's being thrown out of the con. From a very high window.

Amy: It turned out as something of a cross between "Three Little Maids from School" and that circus song ...
Alyssa: And it's more interesting than both its parents.
Batya: Much like many of us.

Batya: It's ose-y! Ose-y goodness!

Batya: Maureen O'Brien has got something called "Damn Near All The Filk On The Web" ... and it is. Uh, it might be "darn," not "damn"...
Dave: No, it's filk, it's damned.

=====

They sell crochet hooks carved from abalone shells. For $14 apiece. I fail to understand....although they are pretty....*smacks self sharply upside the head* No! Go back to failing to understand!
--Jenn on Pillowfort, 03/19/2002

Here, you hold the sonnet down and I'll kick it.
Okay!
--Batya and Seanan on #filkhaven, 03/20/2002

=====
Dinner in the City, 03/25/2002
In attendance: Alex, Batya, Meredith, Constance

Meredith: It started as an alternate ending to the Buffy-Angel crossover and then crossed over with VC and then it crossed over with Gundam Wing, which was not my idea...
Alex: Well, when it gets to Frasier, stop.

Batya: My fortune cookie has no fortune!
Meredith: It's a free will cookie.

Constance: We're going to have to come back here when I'm hungry.

Constance: Instruct us, o great one!
Meredith: Okay, that's just creepy.

Batya: Chametz lips! Lips of chametz!

=====

You're not going to read that in Aramaic, are you?
I'll try not to.
--Uncle Meir and Chaim, 03/30/2002

=====
JordanCon, 03/31/2002
In attendance: lots of people

Gabe: Jordan, actor. Jordan, radio show host. Jordan ... fashion designer?
Jordan: And I'm still straight!

Batya: There but for the grass of sod go I.

Batya: And now some other poor schlub has gotten into cloning.
Liz: 'Cause it's such a growth industry.

Merav: And there was much worshipping of the cow box.

Sa: They're doing weird. They're doing two different kinds of weird that are clashing.

Gabe: The blink! The blink, boss, the blink!

Liz: There were snipes, you're just not writing them down.
Batya: There was snipe?

Constance: There were words everywhere, but they were not down in writing ... (*sung*) No they were not written at all, till there was snipe....

Gabe: Your data is getting corrupted.
Jordan, doing Data impression: Brother, please explain this 'internet pornography' to me again....

Jordan: No, I wish I could float mid-coitus. That'd be fun.

=====

Okay, Roach, honey, the bra? Evil. Try wrapping a band of spandex designed to lift, tuck and display around your balls and see how you feel.
Only the balls are a lot heavier and mounted in a less structurally useful way.
-Seanan and Eloise on Pillowfort, 04/01/2002

I am immune to the snipe sheet, because I am no longer funny out of context. Like Punky Brewster on the set of the Teletubbies. I mean, what's the point?
-Seanan on Pillowfort, 04/01/2002

Phil pictures Jan, in her lab coat, cackling. "And, like, if we insert Monchichi DNA into the smurfs, we'll totally be able to breed the result with Pikachu and get electric monkeys that turn people into gold!" -Phil on Pillowfort, 04/01/2002

Many Bothans died to bring me this information. Okay, just one Bothan. ...Okay, it was a paper cut.
--Alex, 04/11/2002

=====
Mini-Brunchmeet, 04/13/2002
In attendance: Eve (Fernanda), Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Melodie (Harmonious), Dov (The Silent Speaker), Miri (MiriYami

Dov: I just discovered that tortilla chips, Reese's peanut butter cups, and soda makes a balanced meal.
Eve: You're a student, aren't you.

Melodie (reading ingredients): White corn flour, vegetable oil...
Dov: See? Vegetable.

Dov: Silly parents, Chris are your kids.

Batya: There is a certain breed of feminist that will vote for anything female regardless of its policies.
Eve: Tell me about it -- they elected Thatcher.

Batya: Well, you are certainly not a fangirl.
Melodie: Good God, I'm religiously against the concept of fangirl. And if it's not a religious concept, it should be!

Dov: "You are to recruit five Death Eaters from Slytherin, no more. Each of them is to recruit two Death Eaters, no more..."
Eve: Multilevel marketing, the dark side.
Batya: Is there any other kind?

Batya: ...and then, Harry Potter becomes Jesus!

Melodie: Brunching is always good insanity.

Eve: The queen mother looked a lot like Yoda.

=====

Just what we need. A Wiccan lesbian Jesus.
--Alex, 05/01/2002

Do toons have children?
No, toons have nephews.
--Alex and Batya, 05/09/2002

Well, I'll be dead, but I might be non-monogamous about it.
--Meredith, 05/15/2002

Were we talking about love that lasts beyond the grave?
No, I was just being a pain in the ass.
--Constance and Meredith, 05/15/2002

It wasn't my ide-- okay, it was my idea, but it wasn't my idea to have the idea. (pause) That made sense in my head.
--Batya defending her filksong at Balticon, 05/24/2002

I'm the old grumpy curmudgeonly osebunny.
Aw. You could be an osebunny walrus.
Oh ose-sters, come and walk with us...
--Harold and Batya at Balticon, 05/24/2002

It's hard to listen to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and plot evil at the same time. Not impossible, but hard.
--Valerie on AIM, 05/29/2002

Now that we have an entire shopping cart full of carbonated beverage...
...let's light a match.
--Batya and Yechiel, 06/07/2002

It's finished!
It's toast!
It's soup yet!
It's toast and soup!
It's a combo meal!
--Batya and Merav, late night Lady Mondegreen rehearsal, 06/18/2002

My mother's hat tree doesn't lay eggs. It must be a boy hat tree.
--Jon, 06/30/2002

In the beginning there was the Word. And the Word was "Daaaamn." --Batya, 07/01/2002

You don't believe in the Great Cosmic All? You'll be cast into Outer Darkness if you don't believe in the Great Cosmic All!
What if I believe in the Great Cosmic Tide with Bleach?
--Batya and Jon, late-night philosophical silliness, 07/14/2002

And then it's home again, home again, jiggity-jig.
Actually, more like home again, home again, ploddity-plod.
--Batya and Miri, 07/17/2002

=====
Dinner at Dougie's, 07/22/2002
In attendance: Alex, Batya, Amanda, Jordan, Liz, Merav, Jon, Constance, La, Gabe

Merav: I am away from my watermelon. I'll explain later.

Jon: What's on the snipe sheet? Looks like barbecue sauce.

Jon: You thought it was Laura and it turned out to be Elie Wiesel?

Batya: 24 wings...
Jon: What kind of angel is that again?

La: What, there's already a snipe sheet?

Jon: Why do you think they call it jew-jitsu?
Batya: Because yid-jitsu wouldn't sound right?

Jordan: What can I say? I'm a plague vector of snipe.

Jordan (to Amanda): I'd kiss you, but I have barbecue sauce on my lips.

Liz (re above): Could be an excuse not to kiss Gabe.
Merav: You need an excuse?

Merav: I was here once before it closed. The ceiling was falling in and everything was made of tofu.
Jon: Tofu?
Merav: Tofu. And cheese.
Jon: Oh, the food.

Batya: Let's twitch again like we did last summer, baby!

Laura: Did you see the featherless chicken?
Constance: The Federalist chicken?
Gabe: Yes, the great Federalist chicken, John Hancluck.

Jordan: Okay, we all have to focus on Liz now.
Batya: ...And Liz catches fire.
Jon: I don't like this plan.

Liz: I am not anybody's anything!

Jordan, trying to dance: The trouble is, the feet go one way and the Dougie's goes the other...
(Later, Jordan was officially given the name Dances With Dougie's.)

Jordan: I am not the droid I'm looking for. I am not the droid I'm looking for. I can go about my business. I can go about my business.

Gabe: And you have to admire Palpatine.
Batya: Especially if you're evil.
Gabe: Well, yeah.

=====
Shakespeare in the Park, 07/28/2002
In attendance: Alex, Batya, Liz, Gabe, Eytan, Mikey, Yair, Yoni, Ben, Aaron, Merav, Jon

Lix: I'm Clan Champion, Batya is Clan Leader...
Eytan: So what am I? Village Idiot?
All: Okay!

Mikey, with Slinky: I'm really good at this, watch. (fails miserably)
Batya: Pride ... Fall.

Mikey: I can't be bothered to worry. I have Great Big Sea.

Batya: Look, a flautist on roller skates. I love this park.

Aaron: The Onion is not for bopping!

Batya: When you have a rolled-up newspaper in your hand, everything starts to look like a misbehaving dog.

Alex, looking at Jon's "Life Without Mozart" t-shirt: I don't get it.
Jon: I don't get it either, but it was clean and on top.

Theatre Guy: ...and silence all small electronic devices.
Alex: Artoo, be quiet!

Batya, to Eytan: You're disturbingly well-adjusted, considering how nuts you are.

=====

...So what he's basically thinking at the time is, I Am Become Death, Destroyer Of Mom.
--Batya, watching Smallville, 07/29/2002

So tomorrow they're gonna shove something up my ass and look at my insides.
There's gotta be an easier way...like vivisection....
--Miri in hospital and Dov on visit, 08/05/2002

...So, if it suddenly turns dark and nasty and overcast, well, we'll go to the park.
--Merav, 08/14/2002

It's got cheaperness. The secret ingredient that makes it cheap.
--Alex, 08/25/2002

=====
The Miri Move (or The Brunchers, The Dreamers, & Me), 09/01/2002
In attendance: Miri, Miriam, Dov, Alex, Batya, Cassandra, Constance, Thembi, Avigayil, Aaron, Kellie, Gabriel

Miriam: I've never been obnoxious and arrogant before, and I want my chance!

Dov: Like they say, to know me is to know me.

Dov: Sofa, see: irreversible mathematics.

Miriam: We're going snipe hunting!

Aaron: Don't mix with our mess! Why'd you mix with our mess?

Aaron: We'll use my sister's talents to bail you out.

Thembi: What did I just warn you about?
Constance: ...Negativity?
Thembi: Dog poo!

Cassandra: It's a frob.
Batya: A frob. For frobnosticating, no doubt.

Miri: Oooooooooooooooooooo! STUFF!

Batya: Okay, now we have to move the ceiling.

Batya: The door has moved out of the way of the couch, so now the couch can move out of the way of the door. It's a symbiotic thing.

Alex: Stand clear of the closing door.
Gabe: Open the blast doors! Open the blast doors!

Batya: We have also successfully tipped many things onto the floor. Go us.

Constance: Please don't stab me with the couch. Thank you.

Miriam: You can keep better snipe from a fully relaxed position, you know.

Constance: I'm going around the negativity this time.

Batya: This is what we call freaking out the Mittelman.

Aaron: Snipe! Snipe! Or I will help you not!

Miriam, singing: I kill my friends / And they kill me / We're just as warped / As we can be...

Miriam: We're collecting human beings.
Batya: Collect the whole set!

Avigayil: I don't care, I'll be anybody's apprentice.

Miriam, singing: Someday we'll find it, the fannish connection, the Brunchers, the Dreamers and me!
Gabe: All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably...
Batya: Madness!

Batya: And thank you so much for allowing us to invade your home.

Dov: Scoop fries, don't bother me.

Aaron: The pen is becoming unreasonable.

Gabe: Lore? Data's brother?
Cassandra: No, the other one.
Gabe: Data's other brother!?
Batya: Hi, I'm Data, this is my brother Lore and this is my other brother Lore.

Aaron: I have to ask - are the Shuttlecocks on something?

Batya: Pardon me while I stab you repeatedly in the forehead with this pen.
Gabe: No, a spoon!

Batya, singing: Silver pegs ... silver pegs...
Gabe, singing: It's moving time in the city!

Miriam: Ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha!
Aaron: You call that a Woody? (pause) Oh god.
Batya: Gooooodnight, everybody!

Dov: Quick! To the Nabisco-cave!

Aaron: Snipe first, clean later.

Batya: Go not to the Philos for abstention, for they will vote both no and yes.

Batya: In a funny, weird, vaguely masochistic way, this has been kinda fun.

=====

Hey, Mister Wolf, what'cha got in the basket?
That's it. No more Angela Carter for you, young lady.
--Batya and Alex, 09/14/2002

=====
Medieval Faire at the Cloisters, 10/06/2002
In attendance: Batya, Alex, Constance, Kellie, Laura, Jon, Yisroel, assorted others

Batya: We're worldbuilding.
Constance: Everyone can help.
Alex: I've got some magma.
Batya: I have a sheep. Do you have a rock?
Jon: My dad's got an old barn we can use.

Laura: Now when you look at this, you think curtain rod, right?
Jon: Except for the pointy bit sticking out the bottom.

Batya: You know what? I'm gonna get the roast beef sandwich and EAT IT MYSELF. And if there's any left over I'm TAKING IT HOME. And if anyone else wants some, they can HAVE SOME.
Constance: You're scary.

Constance: You're free, little tomato!

David: What's that?
Laura: It's a (wink) curtain rod.
Batya: A curtain rod with a hilt.
David: ...I'll stay over here.

Alex: You seem to be zoning.
Jon: Yes, she's deciding where to put the factories.

=====

Get thee behind me, Avon!
--Batya, 10/13/2002

It's much funnier after the cheesecake.
--Jessica, 10/13/2002

KITTY SUSHI FACE!
--Batya, 10/13/2002

I know what we should call our production company. Wittenhoff Productions.
Because we haven't got a wit-an'-a-holf between us.
--Merav and Batya, 10/21/2002

Jack not name. Jack archetypical description.
--Batya, 10/21/2002

In my family, at least, sanity comes before cake.
--Miri, 10/28/2002

=====
OVFF, 11/01 - 11/04/2002
In attendance: lots of people

Batya: Where the hell are my ears? ...Okay, admittedly, that's not something you hear very often.

Seanan: ...and that just turns me into Marti Noxon.

Batya: We could gild him.
Seanan: But then he'd have to pay dues.

Batya: So Merav's name scans to anything that has "the sun" in it.
Jon: "Oh, Merav is a mass of incandescent gas...."

Jordan: I can't believe I just used the television as a bodhran.
Alex: Well, it's about time someone found a good use for a television.

Batya: So are we saying it's a monomyth or a bar mitzvah?

=====

Batya: ...a restaurant that follows every possible dietary law.
Yisroel: What about the cannibals?
Merav: They can eat the waiters.
Yisroel: You're fired! Go to table 5!
--Dinner in the City, 11/21/2002

Mom? I've discovered a lucrative career as a ninja. Shh.
--Merav, 12/09/2002

Esther: Batya, I'm a safe driver.
Alex: Trouble is, this is a car, not a safe.
Esther: I knew I was forgetting something.
--Car trip to Brooklyn, 12/22/2002

=====
New Year's Weekend at the Wittenberg-Lair, 12/29/2002 - 01/01/2003
The Two Towers, New Year's Eve party, etcetera
In attendance: lots of people

Liz, on the Southron soldiers: Maybe some of them were female.
Batya: Women of the Haradrim.
Liz: Yeah.
Batya: Haradrot.

Yisroel: So when Sauron twists the hobbits, you get Batya.

Yisroel: Is Miriam a hobbit or a dwarf?
Batya: Miriam, would you rather bake or hit people with axes?
Miriam: Bake.
Batya: Hobbit.

Jon: Plaid magic!
Dov: AAAAAAAAAA!
Batya: Get thee behind me, Tartan!

Seanan: She is become her hair.
Batya: ...Destroyer of worlds.

Gabe, on looking at the first page of the wedding album, to Alex: Who's that?
(everyone laughs)
Sa: Well, he's asking the right person; if he doesn't know, we're all in trouble.

Alex: Nobody expectorates the Spanish Inquisition.
Everyone: Eeeewwwwwww.

Eytan: Don't you know how to properly open a coffin? Haven't you ever dug up a corpse?
Seanan: Not since last week. Where were you?

Miri: That's Yair's bike chain.
Batya: You chain your bike with that?
Merav: It's a very bad bike. It needs to be punished.

Batya: We wanted to get this in time for your birthday.
Merav: Good fucking lord.

Seanan: Cthulhu doesn't love me any more.
Batya: There's a song in there.
Lots of people, singing: "Cthulu doesn't love me anymore..."

Seanan: Epoxy.
Merav: Seam ripper.
Seanan: French braid.
Merav: Tweezers.
Jess: Merciful Buddha.
...
Seanan: Oh God, don't explain!!!

Sa: Yisrael? Make nice.
Dov: Not war.

Sa, re Jess' hat, worn by Dov: The hat has an interesting effect on him... sort of wrong.

Merav: Fo-o-o-olding headphones. They fold up. They fold down too. Foldy smooshy headphones. Ooh, they're eating my ears.

Jon: A sneeze is not a snipe.

Merav: It goes on your belt. I can be a geek!

Avram: The problem with digital cameras is that you can steal someone's soul and then delete it.

Sa: Your elbows are landing in my face. This is bad.

Jon: Do you like Irving Berlin? I don't know, I've never Irved Berlin.

Merav: Can we figure out how to record first? ...I think the answer is press RECORD.

Merav: I don't have a stand.
Batya: You don't even have a stand in the place where you live.

Yair: Be vewy vewy quiet. Mewav is hunting sounds.

Batya (to person on cell phone): I'll give you back to Israel in exchange for peace.

Dov: I'm so hungry I could eat a tent.
Batya: Provided it was sufficiently small and made of chocolate.

Seanan: If you build Isengard in front of me, it will be overrun by little Ents. And once you get those in your hair, you never get them out.

Dov: To Isengard with cake we come!

Seanan: And we figure we can have Adam in a catatonic puddle on the bottom of his closet again.
Batya: And this is ... ?
Seanan: A good thing.

Seanan: I learned Qenyan to piss someone off. What makes you think I won't learn Finnish to marry someone?