HOME
NEW
WRITE
FILK
ART
FOOD
PICS
LINKS
SNIPE




The continuing saga of the
SNIPE SHEET

or, the best things anyone has ever said in my hearing.


1990s | 2000 | 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | current



=====

The whole gravitational varp went fim-phoop. I hate when that happens.
--Alex, 01/03/2001

All right, I'm going to put Mr. I Love You in the free stuff box.
--Meredith contemplates a stuffed toy, 01/16/2001

Now, Elkanah, what have we learned from this story? We've learned that haberdashery is an inexact science at best.
--Alex, after reading "Old Hat, New Hat" to infant nephew, 01/27/2001

=====
Super Bowl Party at Chez Liebert, 01/28/2001
In attendance: David & Ruth Liebert, Mikey, Yair, Miri, Alex, Batya, Sa, Lauren

Lauren: Where are the plates?
Variously: Under the chips.
Alex: Down by the sea.
Lauren: On a blanket with my baby.
Sa: That's just wrong.
Mikey: In a land called Honah Lee.
Sa: That's just wronger.

Alex: Welcome to the Pets-Dot-Com Super Bowl Party Snipe Sheet!

Sa: Who would want to sponsor a snipe sheet?
Lauren: Dennis Miller?

Mikey: Coughing is not a sick thing. Coughing is a thing.

Batya: If you can't go to a commercial in the time it takes me to draw a unicorn, you're moving too slowly.

Miri: You're going to eat a black hole?
Batya: It's a good way to lose weight. I can't believe I just said that.

Lauren: Klingons are cute and cuddly, and taste good with ketchup.
Mikey: Well, everything tastes good with ketchup.

David Liebert: Where's Buffy the Umpire Slayer when you really need her?

Mikey: Boy, you turn away for thirty minutes, and all of a sudden the score has changed.

Batya: Godhood is bad for you.
Lauren: Why?
Batya: High cholesterol.

=====

Society deserves my offspring.
--Missy plotting revenge, 02/24/2001

She's been living with us since she's very small. And you can tell, because she's psychotic.
--Missy describing her dog Kira, 02/26/2001

=====
Lunacon, 03/23-25/2001
In attendance: lots of people

Abby (in deep disgust): Parliamentary procedure!? My Goddess!

Jon: Batya has a song about toons?
Crystal: Isn't that shameless self-promotion?
Batya: Well ... yeah.
Alex: No, it's shameful self-promotion.
Batya: No, it's quite thoroughly shameless.

Miriam: Cheery ose?

Batya: Wait ... wouldn't the words of the Prophets be written somewhere around the wormhole?

Miriam: I'll get you, my little pretty, and your little computer system, too!

Crystal (chanting): Sacajawe-a! Sacajawe-a! The only coin whose name is fun to say!

Abby: "Maggie" is the British one-pound coin. It's big, it's brassy, and it thinks it's a sovereign.

Abby: That was the only Encore game I'd ever been in that was cancelled on account of swimming pool break.

Batya: I have a funny thing here....
Abby: Well, I thought you'd be too modest to show it, but okay.

Batya: Abby somebody. Abby normal.
Merav: Abby not normal. Abby fannish.

Abby: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and I really can't show you the scar.

Merav: I think that's in Revelations somewhere. The skies will run with blood and Batya will write kinky filk.

=====

Ensuring continuation of your line through better lingere.
--Merav, speculating to Meredith on why she was given a black lace teddie by her grandmother, 03/27/2001

=====
Brunchmeet in NYC -- Eden Wok & Krispy Kreme, 04/01/2001
In attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Miriam (Harmonious), Rob (Spatch), Jen (Jen), Annette (IsMaryann)

Batya: We are the Brunchma.
Rob: You will be amused by our dry wit.

Batya: I always read this as "human beef."
Miriam: It's whatever you want to read into it.

Rob: I hate censors.
Miriam: Extra-censory perception is being able to read through the censor.

Annette (being frustrated by obstinately uncomprehending waitress): I wanna go hoooooome!

Alex: I suggest the Hiroshima Roll - it blows the others away.
(Collective groan from the entire universe)

Batya: Your cat is on the snipesheet.

Annette: I think the waitress called me sir.
Rob: To Sir, With Soup.

Miriam: ...So tell me about yourself.
Batya: All your deep, dark secrets!
Rob: Well, I live in Rancho Irvine with one point five beautiful children....
Jen: The other half-child is ugly as sin.

Batya: I hear that Revelations is one long acid trip. A lot of fun to read while stoned.
Rob: What isn't?
Alex: The phone book?
Rob: Whoa, look at all the Parkers. That's a lot of Parkers. They should all like get together and have a party or something. A Parker party. And hey, you notice it's all in alphabetical order? Who thought of doing it in alphabetical order?...

Batya: Why would a nice little lady like you want a gun? Go home and use your knitting needles.
Rob: Watch it or I'll purl your ass.
(Batya hands Rob the snipesheet pad)
Rob: Hey, I'm eating. Write it yourself.

(Huge flare of fire goes up from the hibachi tables some distance away... Rob stares)
Batya: It's supposed to do that.
Rob: I know! I want it to supposed to do that again!

Batya: Trust me. You're not naked.

Alex: I find your lack of context ... disturbing.

Miriam: Look - you can't feel like a retard for having a stroke of brilliance ten minutes ago and not having it sooner. That's not acceptable.

Miriam: I'm sorry, insurance doesn't cover acts of false god.

Batya: I'm sorry, I have to say it.... All your tip are belong to us.
Jen: WHAT YOU SAY!

(Miriam making frustrated noises while totalling tax and tip)
Rob: I know this is taxing on you...
(Batya glares. Meaningfully, of course.)
Rob: Hi! I'm in New York!

Alex: Eden Wok. Fibonacci tables.

Batya: My new Indian name is Absconds With Donuts.

Batya: Spatch gives good snipe.

Batya: Where are you going?
Annette: To HELL!
Jen: Um, I don't believe in hell....
Rob: Then you're going to another plane of existence! Mwa ha ha ha!
Batya: I don't believe in Brooklyn, either, but I assure you it exists.

(Miriam laughs loudly)
Passing advertising guy from California: Hey, I could use that laugh!

Miriam: Bad translation. No translation biscuit.

=====

I sing the body electric, but I don't do wiring.
-Lauren, 04/16/2001

Batya, ALL the great murderers...what am I saying?
-Mikey, 04/16/2001

Alms for the check!
-Eytan, 04/16/2001

My orientation is "sleepy cat."
-Sarah, 05/09/2001

You know, if Buffy had just taken out her 20-sided die...
-Alex, regarding Buffy and the Knights of Byzantium, 05/10/2001

Jordan, if you're the Antichrist, I'm going to be really upset.
Why does it have to be anti?
If you're the actual Christ I'll be even more upset.
-Batya and Jordan, 05/10/2001

What was that?
That was the sink being very unhappy and doing its best impression of a bear.
-Batya and Merav, 05/14/2001

=====
Weekend at the Wittenbergs, 05/27-29/2001
In attendance: Batya, Alex, Jon, Merav

Batya: Numfar! Do the dance of killing network executives!

Jon, upon reading the above on a random pad: I guess this must be the snipe sheet.
Merav: As self-referential as we wanna be.

Batya: ...If it were tears and sweat, then you'd have blood, sweat, and tears - all coming out your nose!
Merav: As long as it isn't Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Batya: What would that be? A dragon with a cold?
Jon: In a dusty room.

Batya: You'll all be happy to hear that the soup is still alive.
Jon: I don't want to eat something that's still alive!

Batya: Polyamory. It's just what it sounds like: people who like to have sex with parrots.

Merav: The fleishig truck is green, just like in my family.

=====

I wanna filk you like an animal.
-Paul (Roup), in #tribrunchma, 06/02/2001

I think "asleep at the wheel" is up there with "don't knock that over, it's on fire."
-Batya, 06/06/2001

In bed with fish and a yak, dot com. I bet that domain name's not taken.
-Merav, 06/13/2001

We need a topic for next week.
Aliens?
Too broad.
Skinny aliens?
-Merav & Batya, 06/13/2001

Where's the WorldCon this year?
Philadelphia. It's the Millenium PhilCon.
And if the wookie comes out and sees his shadow, 7 more years of bad Trek writing, I suppose.
-Patrick and Batya, 06/28/2001

=====
The 5th Annual Gathering of the Gargoyles, 06/22-25/2001

Batya: Are you Seanan?
Seanan: I'm wearing her pants, so I'd better be.

Batya: The gaje and the goy. There's a song title in there somewhere.

Mara: You're like an enigma, shrouded in mystery, wrapped in chocolate...
Aaron: ...and slathered in secret sauce.

Batya: Miniclanners are just so damn cute.

Batya: Did you give blood too?
Jordan: Yes, but not from this arm.

Batya: Rehydrate the cousin.
Shoshana: Now that I have water in me, I'm so glad you came.
Batya: Water the cousin. Irrigate the cousin.

=====

I'm tired.
Maybe you should eat something.
I'm tired, not hungry.
Oh.
Maybe I should sleep something.
-Batya and Alex, 07/09/2001

=====
Brunchmeet in the City, 07/12/2001

Batya: My groupies! Where are my groupies?

Alex: Who helped kill off Jason Todd? Who brings back Gorilla Grodd? We do! We do!

Alex: I think I'll have food.
Batya: "Waiter, bring me food." That'll work.

Miriam: Duck season.
Batya: Well, you can't get rabbit here.

Batya: Capitalize, damn you!

Annette: Brunchers on ice!

Random bystander at Penn Station: You guys have lost it.
Batya: Come to think of it, I'm not sure we ever had it.

=====

GuardianLion is Composing.
Symphony? Opera? Fugue?
Post.
Ah. One of those new-fangled music thingies the kids are into, I suppose.
-#tribrunchma, 07/18/2001

You should explore your modals and choose them carefully.
I should explore my morals and choose them carefully?!
-Sa and Gabe, phone conversation, 07/19/2001

You're saying you can travel through time using a Slinky?
The Slinky's part of it. The whole machine is powered by bullshit.
Well, we seem to have an inexhaustible supply of that.
The Republican party?
-Batya, Eytan, and Jim Schmeidler, 07/21/2001

"The idea that Judaism is a religion dates back only to the 1700's"? What's that supposed to mean?
Well, prior to that it was a breath mint.
-Batya and Alex, 07/22/2001

The metaphor is breaking down.
We can rebuild it. We have the dictionary.
-Batya and Alex, 07/25/2001

=====
Weekend at the Wittenbergs, 08/03-04/2001
In attendance: Batya, Alex, Jon, Merav

Alex (following related comments): The Obtrusive Jon. He's everywhere you want to be.

Merav: Oh look, a spleen. Your spleen is green. Here, Christine, have your spleen!
Jon: The Vivisectionist's Dr. Seuss.

Merav: I have a pen. Do you have a snipe?

Jon: Oh, I thought you said you have to come slice the gravy.
Alex: We don't slice gravy on Shabbos!

Alex: If I ran the Worldcon, clothing would be edible!

Batya: ...and slap a smoky saxophone solo all over her.
Jon: Hey! Get that smoky saxophone solo off of me!

Jon: This? This is now. This is what happens to then when it gets too late.

=====

Where's my cup?
I don't know. Your cup runneth away.
-Batya and Alex, 08/06/2001

=====
GallerCon in Denver, 08/09-16/2001
In attendance: The Entire Galler Families

Batya: I'm all confuuuused!
Uncle Meir: Follow me, and all will become more so.

Yechiel: Excuse me, did somebody order a duh?

Batya (re Palm Pilot): It's low on batteries.
Yechiel: I did not turn it on, I merely wish to smell it.
Batya: ...okay, now you're scaring me.

Batya: Drunken brother say buh?
Yechiel: Buh?

Alex (on being offered a second shot of vodka): No thanks, I might want to drive someday.

Alex: So we have to get you up at six am on the last day of vacation. This is what's known as brutal, bitter irony.

=====

Don't poke the heavily armed kitten.
-Seanan on #filkhaven, 08/16/2001

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then Batya said, 'gee, couldn't you maybe have at least brought some chairs or something?', and then there was snipe.
-Seanan on #filkhaven, 08/16/2001

I am snipe free, I am unsnipable, I will escape the madness.
-Seanan being clearly wrong on #filkhaven, 08/16/2001

Shabbos is not contagious, as far as I know.
-Merav on #filkhaven, 08/16/2001

=====
Great Big Sea concert in the City, 08/19/2001
In attendance: Merav, Jon, Batya, Alex, Eytan, Mikey, Yair, Lauren, Liz

Jon: That's not funny. That degrades supervillains.

Merav: I see tall people.

Liz: I speak Spanish like it's Italian.
Merav: That's because it was, once.

Eytan: Bubbles! Despair! Bubbles! Despair!

Jon: Vegetarian zombies! "Eat grains! Eat grains!"

Eytan: Feel my wrath, bubbles! Wrath! Wrath!

Batya: It is an ancient Mariner, and he plays for Great Big Sea.

Merav: Only in New York City are you going to see a Jewish woman and a Chinese woman dancing a jig together.

=====

Nothing that gets me pie can be disturbing. I'd hug Cthulhu if he had pie.
-Seanan on Pillowfort, 08/26/2001

=====
Samurai Jack and Farscape at the Wittenberg-Lair, 09/03/2001
In attendance: Batya, Alex, Constance, Kellie, Peter, Valerie, Aaron, Gabe, Miri

Kellie: And he's gone to Tibet to learn the ancient art of hypothermia.

Alex (on Crichton): This guy's a walking sig file.

Batya: And now, the always-interesting question: how many Dreamer Clanners can you fit into an elevator?
Gabe: As many as we want.

Valerie: Pokemon is nothing but a giant cock-fight.
(Gabe goes into silent convulsions)
Batya (to Gabe): That's as in "rooster," dear.
Valerie: Hey, I grew up in a town called Climax.

Valerie (re Gabe): I don't even know him and I want to hit him.

All: To insanity...and BEYOND!

Valerie: Constance Cochran just gave me carte blanche with her characters. I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs.

Constance: My ego's purring!

Alex: Linux? Isn't that Lucy's younger brother on Peanux?
Gabe: That's the Sephardic pronunciation.

=====

A mind is a terrible thing to have.
--Jennifer, 09/08/2001

And it should be a la mode. You know, with Cthulhu F'taghn-dazs.
--Alex, after reading Seanan's comments about Cthulhu Pie, 09/08/2001

Structured poetry: it's like heroin, only addictive.
--Seanan on Pillowfort, 09/09/2001

Now what was I forgetting? Oh yes, I was supposed to be in mortal terror.
Life goes on. The snipe sheet resumes.
--Alex and Batya, 09/13/2001

=====
Brunchmeet In The City, 09/16/2001 (Bagels, GM Jam, Haydn Planetarium)
In attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Annette (IsMaryann_WantsToBeGinger), Chad (Jack Havoc), Sandy (nebulous menace), Helen (Helen), Miriam (Harmonious), Meira (DramaShrink)

Meira: Well, you're an emotional person. I mean, in happier times we would call you a sentimental fool, but that's a good thing.

Batya: See, we're doing fine. Barring unforeseen-- okay, I'm just not even going to say that.

Batya: Because I'm cute and I gave her the puppy eyes.
Sandy: What did you do with the rest of the puppy?

Annette: One ... two. TWO military helicopters! [Count Von Count voice] Ah-ah-ah!

Sandy: I'm going to put my thumb down....

Miriam: Can I look at your salmon?
Batya: ...This is so sudden.

Miriam: So are we all down Alice's hole?
Helen: That must hurt.

Batya: You are large, you contain multitudes.
Annette: I am filled with tinier men!

Annette: I'm sorry, I'm not, I'm just, I ... no, with the roaches.

Annette: Peace. Roach. Phone!

Sandy: Fools! I'll destroy at least half of you!

Chad: So I see the universe is still expanding. Yup, building the resume....

Chad: Inside every geek beats the heart of a raging green monster.

Batya: She'll be coming 'round the corner, when she comes.
Sandy: Or slightly before.
Batya: ...What?
Sandy: It got the desired effect, it didn't have to make sense.

=====

Merav just went "blech," so she must be ready.
--Jon, 09/23/2001

Okay, give Batya the mallet.
Famous last words....
WHAM WHAM WHAM!
--Carole, Lauren and Batya putting up the succah, 09/29/2001

Violence only begets violence, you know.
Yes, that was several verses of Genesis, right? ...And Violence begat Poking, and Poking begat Kicking and Hitting and Slapping, and took for them wives from the people, and they begat sons and daughters.
--Josh and Dave on #filkhaven, 10/04/2001

=====
Filk Rehearsal, 10/04/2001
In attendance: Batya, Merav, Jon

Batya: If you worry about what Kanefsky's going to do, you'll never write anything.
Merav: True. You can't live in terror of Bob Kanefsky.

Merav: That's the kind of mind we live in, and I hope we never leave it.

Batya: I'm sorry, there seems to be a satyr in my head.
Merav: Are they up to Karpas yet?

Batya: You can tell me while I'm putting my shoes back on.
Jon: Not unless you have really elaborate shoes.
Merav: And then you lace the buckle over your head, you do, you do.

=====
Simchat Torah in KGH, 10/10/2001
In attendance: Batya, Alex, Miri, Miriam, Sarah, Meira, Judy, Elan

Judy: (Upon inviting Miriam for Shabbat) Oh, no. HE goes to our shul.
Batya: Who?
Elan: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned.
Batya: Voldemort goes to your shul!?

Sarah: I think we've been possessed by the ghosts of two frustrated housewives from the Fifties.
Batya: You know you've lost it when you're prowling around the living room going "Must ... find ... pretty ... dish!"

Batya: It's the Lunch That Wouldn't DIE!

Batya: It's been lovely, but I have to breathe now.

=====

I want my instant gratification, and I want it now! --Constance, 10/18/2001

=====
Ohio Valley Filk Festival, 10/25-28/2001
In attendance: lots of people

Alex: ...And they had a huge deck.
Merav: Oh, it's not the size of your deck....

Batya: Surely Seanan will be short shotly?

Seanan: My flight was pure living hell! It was so cool!

Batya: "I am Lazarus, returned from the store, / Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all."
Jon: Fools! I'll tell you all!

Batya: I have groupies. This is scary.
Merav: I hear there's medicine you can take for that. They can burn them off, you know.
[pause]
Merav: Did I say that out loud?
Jon: Yes. And Batya is writing it down.

Seanan: Thing. Word. Begins with A.
Batya: Aphasia!
Seanan: Yes.

Jon: Can you power nap on Shabbos?

Seanan: Oh, wait. That's Costa Rican money, not Vitamin C tabs.

=====

Well, he has got great cheekbones.
Oh, he's got wonderful cheekbones. If I had to cast someone as Nightcrawler purely on the basis of cheekbones, he'd be it.
--Batya and Liz discussing James Marsters, 11/11/2001

It's a zero! With paws!
--Lauren, 11/14/2001

Batya: What the hell are you doing here?
Gabe: Praying. You?
Alex: Preying.
--bizarre encounter at synagogue, 11/17/2001

I wouldn't say I'm in the lap of luxury. Maybe somewhere around the ankles.
--Jordan, 11/17/2001

=====
JordanCon at the Wittenberg-Lair, 11/23-24/2001
In attendance: Alex, Batya, Merav, Jon, Miri, Constance, Gabriel, Sa, Kellie, Peter, Valerie, Jordan (yay!), Jason

Valerie: I've never hotwired a car in my life, but to get away from you people, I'll learn.

Batya: This isn't a holiday. This is Sabbath. We do this every week.
Valerie: And I thought Baptists ate too much.

Valerie: Unless I get a job, or win the lottery....
Gabe: I wouldn't hold your breath about the job.

Valerie: ...And then my mom decided I had bipolar disorder.
Merav: Mom? I only like male polar bears.

Valerie: Now I know who you remind me of...
Jordan: I am not Harvey Firestein.

Constance (flailing around with empty soda bottle): I don't know who to thwap! [hits self on head]

Jon, answering the phone: Wittenberg Shabbos Goy!

Jon: No, Marmite is the only sibstance that can harm Mormons.
Batya: My one weakness! Marmite!
Jon: Like Fearful Symmetrite.

Miri: My housing is up in the air right now.
Jon and Alex, simultaneously: Cool!

Valerie: I have the attention span of a hummingbird on heroin.
Batya: Is that greater or less than an ordinary hummingbird?
Gabe: African or European?

Merav: E ... I ... M ... A.
Batya: O?
Peter: With a moo moo here and a moo moo there....
Miri: I didn't know you wore muumuus.

Merav: Imagine a spherical pizza.
Alex: It's easy if you try.

Sa: ...well, then you get dirty water with a swiss-cheese mentality.

Valerie: We tried to make up the rules to Strip Trivial Pursuit.
Jason: Why?
Valerie: Well, we can't play poker.

Jason: You have to submerge it completely.
Alex: I see. It's an Oreo mikveh.

Miri: Mushroom slice, dollar-seventy-five. Cheese slice, dollar-fifty. Garlic knots, twenty-five cents each.
Batya: Hearing the ritual reading of the snipe sheet: priceless.
[general laughter]
Batya: There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's DreamerCard.

=====
Brunchmeet at the Wittenbergs', 12/01/2001
Buffy Musical, Kill Dr. Lucky
In attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Sandy (nebulous menace), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker)

Batya: We've invited a mass murderer into our house! And he brought chips!

Sandy: You have to shuffle the deck, because the Failures tend to clump together.
Batya: Don't we all.

Dov: Fly free, inner chicken!

Alex: Felonious assault is when you beat up a jazz musician.
Batya: That's Thelonius assault, dear.
Dov: I thought that was when you beat up a monk.

Batya: Boskone?
Dov: Rules all the little scones.

Alex: Well, if it isn't my old friend, Dr. MacLuck!

Sandy, singing: O come they told me, mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaa ... a new-spawned thing to see, mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaa...

Batya: The moving finger bobs, and having bobbed, moves on.
Dov: The moving Bob fingers.
Batya: *slap!*

Batya: It's not a proper Brunchmeet until Harmonious achieves tomato color.
Miriam: ...ha ha ha, wheeeee.

Alex: Ah hah! If it isn't my old friend, Dr. Luckenheimer!

Sandy: I hate it when there are more Howevers than I planned for.

Dov: Tell me, Dr. Lucky, have you ever been attacked by a man with an outboard motor?

Dov: A certain je ne sais quack.

Alex: Well well well, if it isn't my old friend Dr. Luckowitz!

Miriam: Loud Noise! Cacophonous lives!
Batya, playing a Failure card: Cacophonous does as she's told.
Miriam: Yes, Lady Anime.

Sandy: None of us actually have a bunch of psychopaths with heavy weaponry chasing us around a darkened mansion.
Miriam: Well, unless we're ... no.

=====

Oh, I've discovered the secret to tasty Latkes - human blood!
--Jordan, 12/12/2001

I don't believe you exist either, and I've known you for years.
--Meredith, 12/10/2001

=====
Midwinter Party, 12/16/2001
In attendance: Gabriel, Constance, Kellie, Valerie, Laura, Peter, Merav, Jon, Bryn, Thembi, Batya, Alex, Miriam, Angela, Israel

Valerie: The Jews pray to God, the Catholics pray to Saints, and the Southern Baptists pray to Jerry Falwell.

All: Bondage Barbie?! (group response to Valerie's reminiscence)

Laura: I seem to have developed a hole in my chin.

Merav: Did she say wicked or wiccan?

Gabriel (in Yoda voice, while playing Star Wars Monopoly): Low rent housing I have.

Gabriel (ditto): Slum lord am I.

Laura: I am the Stormtrooper, koo koo ka-choo.

Batya (en route): It's girl cake. It's only for girls. If you eat it, you grow breasts.

Valerie: Whenever Kellie gets back from wherever she is...
Kellie: I'm right here!

Batya: Look! They're Israeli M&Ms!
Merav: No, they're not. They're Canadian M&Ms!
Alex: You're both wrong! They're French M&Ms!
(Everybody sings French National Anthem)

Merav: Oh no, you've made Batya retract into her hat.

Valerie: I have many stories that end in the universal symbol of masculine agony.
Bryn: Do you come with a warning label?

Gabe: Everybody's gifts get placed in a central location...
Alex: Like Hoboken.

Batya: You stare into the Harry Potter mirror and you see yourself starring in the fifth movie.

Laura, opening a present: Oh no. I already have a book.

Valerie: Kellie! Stop saying my name! It's driving me crazy!
Alex: Okay, we'll say some other name: Voldemort!
All: DON'T SAY THAT NAME!

Israel: When you get the big house, I have dibs on the basement laboratory.
Gabriel: Thank you, Dexter.
Jon: No, he's Dexter's evil twin, Sinister.

=====
New Year's Eve Weekend, 12/29/2001-01/01/2002
Shabbos in KGH, housefilk at the Wittenberg-Lair, LOTR in the City
In attendance: Alex, Batya, Merav, Jon, Miri, Meira, Miriam, Constance, Gabe, Eytan, Yair, Mikey, Sa, Seanan, Jess

Merav, with wet hair: I'm going to go get dressed now.
Gabe: Are we going to do the shower scene?
[Batya makes "Psycho" music]
Merav: No, the shower scene from the story.
Seanan, to Gabe: Oh, I know who you are!

Seanan: I want to see the big fucking whale!
Jess: If it was a fucking whale, they wouldn't put it in the museum.
Seanan: I want to see the big celibate whale!

Seanan: I want to get naked and I can't do it in your living room.
Batya: Snipe!
Seanan: I'm going to take my blue bottle and shove it right up your nose.
Batya: Snipe!

Seanan: I'm hiding in the tall Jewish woman's lap and I'm not coming out.

Eytan: I don't know the one about the Sisters Of Mercy Whorehouse.
Mikey: Yes you do, you just know it as Grandma.

Miri: It's the eye of the Tigger, it's the thrill of the fight.

Alex: We will visualize you all anon.
Gabe: I don't care what you say, I am not a nun.
Sa: If we can picture Mikey in a tutu, we can visualize you as a nun.

Alex: Our apartment is 5F. That's 'F' as in Philosophy.
Sa: Alex, that's spelled with a P.
Alex: Okay, make that F for flunked spelling.
Mikey: Oh, I thought that was spelled with a P.

Seanan: We were lost! It was so cool! We drove through parts of New York that don't exist!
Batya: Really.
Seanan: I think we were animated for a while!
Batya: Oh, you drove through Little Toontown.

Seanan: If your stomach is singing 'I'm A Believer,' you have issues.

Sa: I'm very normal?!
Seanan: Does she sweat normality? 'cause it's hard to get out of your sheets.

Jess: The Bronx is perfectly real.
Seanan: Dude, the bridge growled at us.

Jess: Frodo kicks Dick Clark's ass.

Eytan: Can I be the host?
Alex: You can be the main ingredient.

Seanan (singing): So long, farewell, auf wiederzein, get out.

Sa: Oh, someone else who puts 'the' in front of names. The Lauren hates it.

Alex: If you were aliens, would you abduct Eytan and Gabe?
Merav: Well, if they wanted to remake Jay and Silent Bob....
Liz: Wait, which one is which?

Miriam [to Eytan]: Stop being evil and let me out.

Eytan: Who's Missy?
Seanan: Who asked that?
Eytan: Me, the innocent one.
Laura: Now, the amazing thing isn't that he said that with a straight face, 'cause he didn't, but that he managed to get all the words out before losing it.

Jess: Bad poltergeist. No biscuit.

Seanan: You came to New York to see me!
Jess: Yes I did.

Jon: Seanan is working on being less funny out of context, so as to protect herself from being sniped.

Seanan: I'm not going to eat all your chocolate, I just want to glory in it.
Alex: Any of it that goes into your clothing, you keep.

Seanan: Well, you could carve little bugs out of beef. And give them cracker wings, for that carapacey crunch.

Batya: Do you own any horses?
Seanan: About two hundred.
Batya: Really.
Seanan: I'm a gypsy. I still collect My Little Ponies. You really think that's not a racial urge trying to come out?

Alex: Dick Clark is immortal. Because he has the One Ring.
Seanan: Oh my god. Dick Clark is Sauron!
Batya: And Frodo does indeed kick his ass!

Merav: The last thing we need is a screaming, hysterical Diet Dr Pepper.


1990s | 2000 | 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | current


Back to Toontown