There but for the grace of rhinoplasty go I.
--Jordan, 01/16/2003

Oh, this was from that amusing point in our history when you were having me followed.
--Batya, 01/??/2003

I just thought "Nice vs. Jerk." I suppose "Nice vs. Eviscerating" works well, too.
--Miriam, 01/23/2003

I've never had a migraine before. It's kinda pretty.
--Merav, 01/??/2003

=====
NY Brunchmeet, 01/19/2002
In Attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex, Rich (DarKrow), Ian (Umlaut), Dov (the silent speaker), Miriam (Harmonious), Annette (IsMaryann), Chad (Jack Havoc), Kassandra (Dithat)

Rich: Did you bring the distilled evil?
Ian: No, I left it at home.

Batya: After you have pulled the pin, Mister Telephone is no longer your friend.

Rich: You are too gentle with the M&Ms. You must be firm and authoritative. And then you must be unafraid to chorf.
Batya: Candymakers of Gor.
Dov: I demand a recount!

Batya: Who saved this file as Severus Snipe?
Alex: Hi.
Batya: *gape*

Rich: As I have prognosticated, the metacommentary has occurred!

Rich: And now we hit a lull.
Dov: Take that, lull! And that! And that!

Miriam: What is the material of your hat?
Batya: Contraband Muppet fur.

Rich: Fire is technology, if properly wielded.
Dov: Improperly wielded, it's much more fun.

Annette: I heard "Gandalf," and I said, "That must be the house!"

Miriam: Molecules! Collect the mole set!

Dov: The Admiral Bimbo?
Chad: The Admiral Benboe. Different bar.

Miriam: Annette, are you just as lost as I am?
Annette: Huh? I don't ... what?

Alex: "To reach the unreachable star..." "That's no star, that's a space station!"

Chad: Waltzing tilde?
Rich: Bad pun! Stay on the paper!

Batya: Yes, I am plotting evil.
Ian: Oh. That's comforting.

Batya (to Miriam): I can trust you, because you have no evil. Except for that whole weird Republican thing.

Rich: Okay, which one of you is the vampire?
Dov: *raises hand*
Kassandra: I've been known to bite people, but I don't suck blood out of them.
*silence*
Annette: That shut him up.

Chad: Why don't we go one step less pleasant than taking the bus and the subway, and drag you behind the car?

=====
NY Birthday Brunchmeet at Yisroel's, 02/08/2003
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Yisroel (Night Stalker), Yisroel's brother (Skullbunny), Kassandra (Dithat), Batya (Toon), Alex

Miriam: I don't know what a dentist's drill sounds like; I've never had a cavity.
Dov's father: That can only mean one thing - you have not eaten enough chocolate.

Miriam: (regarding Milk and Meat) I have a friend who speaks of these things with genders. If it is pareve, it is neuter. If it is hermaphroditic, it is forbidden.

Skullbunny: Go out and get some wasabi. It's time for some suffering, boy!

Dov: It says, "One lamp to rule them all, one lamp to find them, one lamp to bring them all, ain't never had a friend like me."

Skullbunny: You keep beer in the liquor cabinet? MONSTER!

Yisroel: Me and Dov can run out to the 7-11 and get some drinks. (turns to Dov) And by "me and Dov," I mean you.

Dov: He feels like the white lemming in a family of gerbils.

Batya: Where are the cups?
Yisroel: Aha, now the advantage goes back to me.

Yisroel: She bravely brandished her Metrocard and vanquished the demons of the turnstile.
Dov: Unfortunately, it was the London Underground.

Yisroel: People will think I'm God. That would be so horrible.

Dov: (to hypothetical missionary) So you tout that abstinence is 100% effective, right? So then what about that whole Jesus thing...?

Miriam: I don't remember what was said, but I think it's a snipe waiting to happen!

Dov: The Edit Staff has spawned!

Batya: That's too small to be a quarterstaff. That could be a dime staff.

Yisroel: Jewish people don't win with swords; they fight with their tongues.
Batya: (with grin) Got a rock.

Batya: (holding really big black knife) It matches my shirt!
Dov: It matches my soul!

Yisroel: Batya, that's my blade. Don't get too intimate with it.

Miriam: Dov's an elf.
Yisroel: No, he's a goblin.
Batya: Dude, you're an orc.

Yisroel: Spin-off movies of 2004: "Dude, You're an Orc!"

Skullbunny: What are you doing here? Can't I watch my porno in private?
Dov: What's the webcam for, then?

=====
NY Brunchmeet at Miri's, 02/16-17/2003
Watching The Matrix, cookie baking, pizza eating
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Yisroel (Night Stalker), Kassandra (Dithat), Beth (Genarti), Batya (Toon), Alex

Beth: So the eggs are like the lawyers keeping the brandy down?

Dov: You never let me have any fun!
Miri: That's not true -- I let you have lots of fun. Just not with sharp objects.
Batya (from outside): I heard that! That's a snipe!

Miri: The window's not in the kitchen, it's in the bathroom.
Beth: That's what the sharp objects are for.

Alex: How did I get bleach on this shirt too?
Dov: That's not bleach, that's leprosy.

Miriam: People swear to this day that my mother's middle name is God.
Batya: It's not, is it?
Miriam: It's not. It's Francine.

Batya: Right is better than soon. I mean, that was stories and not marriages, but the same logic applies.

Batya: We'll consult our lawyers.
Dov: I'll get the eggs.

Miri: Can someone with clean hands help me?
Batya: Clean hands and a pure heart?
Miri: The heart doesn't matter.

Batya: No, he's not a trustworthy traitor.

Dov: It's not a weapon of war or conquest. Such is not its power.
Miriam and Beth (in chorus): But the pen is mightier than the sword!

Beth: Why don't they just call it "saturated fat in a box"?
Alex: It wouldn't sell nearly as well.

Batya: Don John is supposed to chew scenery. Keanu Reeves isn't a good enough actor to chew scenery.
Alex: Mmmm... scenery.
Dov: That's pizza.

Dov: The evil one is upon us!
Batya: Great, send him in!
Beth (in ridiculous French accent): We've already got one.

Batya: The Night Stalker What Stalks at Night!

Yisroel: So, Dov, how are you liking The Matrix?
Dov: Well, as near as I can tell, there is no such thing.

Miri: This is the Night Stalker. Also known as Yisroel.
Yisroel: Or Izzy.
Batya: Yes, he is.

Yisroel: By milk you mean scotch, right?

Batya: You spoil everything with your logical explanations!

Kassandra: It has been contaminated by my noxious presence.
Batya: You brought us noxious presents?! *big hug*

Alex: Lord of the Rings is not a Chick Flick. It's a Troll Flick.

Miri: What kind of measure do you need?
Yisroel: If it's brandy, probably a pitcher.

Yisroel: The entire movie was shot in Australia.
Dov: All the security guards were shot in Australia.

Someone (unidentified): Cookies?
Yisroel: No thanks. They don't go with my pants.

Miriam: But the other parts are kinda cool.
Beth: The parts that don't involve burning to death?
Miriam: Yes.
Yisroel: Ooh, the beheading part?

Yisroel: Dammit. All my evil plans are undone by my cuteness.
Beth: Aww, wookit da kyoot widdle evil powew.

Yisroel: You're the only person I know who makes typos in speech.
(pause)
Kassandra: ...As Harm turns an interesting shade of purple....

Miri: I'm going to turn the heat back on because we don't have as many bodies in the oven as usual.

Yisroel: ...though the cat seemed to think it was Anthrax. Speaking of which, pass me some anthrax?

Yisroel: Would there be an Antichrist ben Yosef too?

Dov: I'm all in favor of Christians turning the other cheek when I smite them.

Yisroel: I could write it on the bathroom stalls -- she'd become very popular very quickly.
Kassandra: And I will hunt you down and do unspeakable things.
Yisroel: That's the best offer I've gotten all year. And right after Valentine's Day too!

Dov: My pocket has been vibrating, and I'm scared of it.

Dov: It's the thought that counts, as long as you don't kill the other person.
Yisroel: What if the thought is "Kill, kill, kill"?

Yisroel (on Branagh rather than Hugh Grant playing Gilderoy Lockhart): It's the first time a role that should have gone to a handsome vapid blond went to a great actor.
Batya: I'll be damned.

Alex: The Force is strong with this one.
Batya: The Force is this one's bitch.

Dov: The way I look at it is, I make the Baby Newton cry.

=====
Lady Mondegreen rehearsal, 02/22/2003

Merav: Orange reminds me of my childhood.
Allyssa: Is that a good thing?
Merav: I was raised by traffic cones.

Batya: ...because my father does not use words like cozen.
Jon: How does he refer to his uncle's kids, then?
Avram: 'Hey you, get off my lawn.'

Jon: Practice safe text.
Batya: Use commas.

Allyssa: You can have a platonic love affair with the penguin. ...Everyone ought to have a platonic love affair with a penguin at some point in their lives.

=====

Books and cleverness... What's really important is Torah and Mitzvot. You know, you're a great Rabbinical student, Harry.
That's just wrong.
--Miriam and Dov, 03/27/2003

=====
NY Brunchmeet, 03/29/2003
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Yisroel (Night Stalker), Kassandra (Dithat), Rich (DarKrow), Batya (Toon), Alex, Sarah

Sarah: Newskver? (Alternative pronunciation: New Square) It's not far from Monsey. Less than 20 miles and about 200 years.

Batya: Of those of us in this brain, which is in charge of me?

Sarah: I'm borrowing your husband.
Batya: Okay. (Pause.) Just bring him back in one piece.

Rich: I'm turning into Owen-San, for the love of cripes.
Miri: Oh no, please don't!

Rich: Is this part of the cat?

Kassandra: On the other hand, you are being sniped with disturbing frequency.

Miriam: They both are! They're my colors! I'm a redhead, gosh darn it!

Dov: I think that one, which means you should definitely go with the other one.

Kassandra: And we will try not to molest the cookie in the process.

Rich: We're going to give her writer's cramp if we don't stop.

Rich: Hurray for remaining vertical!

Dov: And if you don't take all the deductions you can, the terrorists win.

Dov: It takes a certain amount of recreational pharmaceuticals to see aliens.

Miri: California and San Francisco are 5 hours apart, so going back and forth for cons is pretty typical.

Dov: What? I was looking at your beans.
Rich: Dude, you've got problems.

Dov: I find your lack of beans disturbing...
Beans of unusual size? I don't believe they exist.

Dov: The original Hand of Evil was actually a set of cards which are shambling unclean dead.
Rich: Again with the shambling unclean dead.

Rich: Wow. You are amazing. And I hate you. But it's the friendly kind of hate.

Dov: "Hand of Evil III: Evil in a Totally Different Way"

Miri: If anybody eats my beans, I will be (cracks up) pissed.

Kassandra: I suppose I missed something while I was busy plonking.
Rich: That sounds vaguely perverted.

Dov: We do not make the chuppah in the microwave.

Miriam: I've already had the fairy tale princess wedding.
Dov: Yes, and the prince turned into a frog.

Kassandra: For some reason, couches find you tasty.

Rich: If we can't give full civil rights to homosexuals, we're not going to give them to a puff pastry!

=====
Brunchmeet, 04/06/2003
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Yisroel (Night Stalker), Kassandra (Dithat), Rich (DarKrow), Batya (Toon), Alex, Meira (DramaShrink), Simcha, various & sundry roommates

Batya: Apparently, we're doing segregated snacking.

Batya: Someone is suffering, and it's not you. Rejoice!
Dov: Kind of like Jewish holidays.

Batya: Do you have a brand of household items named after you?
Israel: Well, after I take over the world and rename myself "Tupperware"...

Batya: As a benevolent despot, my first act would be to get rid of the guy who wants to destroy the world. Pity, 'cause I kind of like him.

Kassandra: Make sure you ask whatever God you hit up for eternal youth to go with that eternal life, or you might turn into a grasshopper.

Simcha: I manage homeless women.
Batya: Alright, that just sounded all wrong.

Meira: Wait, Israel is going to turn himself into tupperware containers?

Dov: Israel, Israel, he's our host!
If he can't do it, we're all toast!

Rich: I thank you from the bottom of my... Hey, wait...

Batya: And they occasionally make psychodramatic peeps... wait, peeps! A whole little psychodrama, played out with peeps.
Rich: And a lighter.
Batya: A lighter, a couple of toothpicks...
Alex: And thou.

Batya: Give me that brownie.
Israel: Say the magic word.
Batya: Expelliarmus?

Batya: (about Hitler) German girls went Beatlemania over that guy. I don't see it.
Alex: (in German accent) She loves you, ja, ja, ja...
Batya: Ahhh!

Batya: I still want to meet the bastard sword.

Batya: I didn't bring my throat slittin' knife.
Israel: Oh, we have plenty of those.
Batya: Ah, alright then.

Rich: That's usually a sign of codependency.
Miriam:What was that about what penguins?
Dov: The conversation is turning into a penguin. Stop it.
Rich: The penguins are our friends.
Dov: A stick is my friend.
Batya: The penguin is a stick!

Kassandra: You aren't... going... to destroy anything. At least we hope.

Israel: This will either be a great joke or send him to a mental institution. Either way, we win.

Israel: (to Rich and Kassandra) Okay, try to look menacing for just a minute.

Dan: Who wants the "she?"
Miriam: I play one on TV.
Dan: They can have the "O" with it.
Rich: I'll take anything.
(is handed the candles)
Dan: You didn't take the "she," so you have to take what's left.

Dan: It's consensual eating.
Vladimir: I consent.

Batya: He got married. That leaves a big sucking hole in your life...
Wait, that was all wrong.

Batya: You could use a slow acting poison, so that no one will know the cause of death. (Pause) Why am I telling you this?

Rich: Point the lethal piece of metal away from the people.
Dov: They keep telling me that. You'd think they'd learn!

Rich: I'm geekier than you!

Batya: Die, grapenuts! Die!

Israel: Antrax, would you like to try the sword?
Antrax: No, I'm into modern warfare.

Rich: GIR watches over me as I work on my computer.
Batya: I'm so sorry.

Miriam: We just poke you now and then to make sure you're still there.
Israel: With swords.

Miri: Where is Night Stalker?
Kassandra: He dropped off the face of the Earth.
He was beamed up by aliens.
Dov: We baked him into the pizza.
Batya: TSS wins!

Rich: Barbeque chips are covered in distilled vileness. D-minus.
Batya: I have a deep respect for Lore, but he is on crack.

Batya: Prehensile hair is not the same as tenticles.

Batya: Want to try new brand of chips, doo-dah, doo-dah.

Rich: I was ready to wipe the taste out of my mouth with a handful of wasabe peas.

Rich: Thank you, "Brad Rules of MATH."
Miriam: He's actually very good at math.
Rich: Damn you, who are good at math! Damn you who are good at math!

Batya: I find your lack of pain disturbing.

Rich: I'm not using my immortal soul anyway.
Batya: I could find a use for it. I feel certain. ... What? I keep things in drawers in case they'll be useful.
Miriam: I hear they're good on toast.

Rich: I am sad now. My beer is almost gone.
(Vlad offers his beer to DarKrow.)
Batya: And lo, there was another beer.
Rich: I love you Vlad. In a platonic way, of course.
Vladimir: Of course.

Dov: They forced me to scintillate!

Rich: I will gladly sacrifice myself for the good of others.
Batya: Can't argue with that.
Rich: I'm not saying that because I've got a beer and a half in me. I'm saying that because I'm noble.

Vladimir: But DK, if you sacrifice yourself, how am I getting home?

Batya: We're back to the Virgin Sacrifice!

Dov: To think this started at the end of a murder mystery movie. Now, there are only four of us left. One of us is the killer!

Rich: Beer go Bye-bye.

Miriam: That death scream didn't sound fun.

Rich: Harmonious, if you want to protect your sweet innocence, you will turn around and walk out now.
Miri: Really. He means it.
Rich: I didn't mean to scare you.
Miriam: Liar!

Rich: Did I miss anything?
Israel: We've been singing about sadists and picket fences.

Rich: Pry yourselves away from the big glowy box.

Dov: That may be, but Rich still has the worst chair karma in the universe.

Miri: For some reason, I thought you said "The Talmud," and that just confused me.

Miriam: I only become menacing when I really need to. Kind of like The Incredible Hulk.

Miri: You took my chair.
Israel: You took my roommate. It's a fair trade.

Israel: Crack: A-plus.

Kassandra: We are the Board; you will be assimilated.

Miri: Somewhat drunk male coming through, and he's got a drink in his hand.
Rich: Somewhat drunk?
Vladimir: I'm not drunk.
Miri: You are so drunk, and you almost spilled your drink, and your shoe became untied.
Dan: It must be drunk, too.

Dov: How can the microwave be wrong? It might have ravens in it.

Dov: How would you like your snipe recorded?
Dan: At 33 1/3 RPM, please.

Kassandra: That was funny, but not the snipy kind of funny.

Miriam: Miri's in stereo has got to be a good thing.

Miriam: What happened to my penguins!?

Israel: Come into my parlour...
Rich: And you're never leaving.
Israel: No, I love Dov, but not in that way.
Miriam: You better not!

Rich: They're about to cut me up and... (drunken slurred mumble)
Miri: Oh, you mean they're getting around to the virgin sacrifice? Oh, goody! (bounds off in that general direction)
=====
Dinner in the City, 04/14/2003

Melissa: It's got leaves, but no buggies. It's vegetarian amber. It's pareve.

Batya: It's on the sushi menu. Ookla Maki.

Jordan: Canada's not a state? Damn.

Merav: Mmm, neck massage. Frontal neck massage!

Batya: So maybe the tiggers and roos are actually a larval form.
Merav: And that's why they've got them working Command?

=====

Yaaay! ...Well, "yay" for a value that means "Aaaaagh!"
--Batya after watching Angel, 04/19/2003

What's this?
It's a jewel case.
Oh, she won't fit in there.
--Alex and Batya, 05/23/2003

=====
Movies at the Wittenbergs, 05/26/2003
In attendance:Alex, Batya, Mikey, Eytan, Yair, Yoni, Kellie, Miriam, Dov, Aaron, Sarah,

Mikey: Eytan, do all antecedent events have a cause?
Eytan: Yes! ...No! ...Maybe!

Kellie: I am now dealing with the dregs of human society...
Dov: You deal with the Yeshiva University bureaucracy?

Miriam: I want to teach English in Israel.
Kellie: That's great, you'll have no problems there.

Aaron: Mikey, you're the designated sniper.
Eytan: Hey, hey, hey! If anyone in this room gets to be a sniper it's me!

Mikey (typing snipes): Is that it for now?
Everyone: That's it, see you next time, same snipe time, same snipe channel.

Eytan: Eytan can learn things.
Mikey: Not grammar.

Miriam: Drugs. Good thing.
Sa: Chocolate. Same thing.

Batya: Don't judge a song by its cover?

Batya: Do not damage my candlestick! Or, you know, my husband.

=====
NY Brunchmeet at Miri's, 06/02/2003
Backyard BBQ
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Yisroel (Night Stalker), Liz (FireLily) [no, not that Liz, the other Liz], Rich (DarKrow), Batya (Toon)

Liz: Quick, TSS, jump in. (pause) Why did I just call you TSS?
Dov: Because it's short for Dov.

Miriam: I'd like to say it's my fault, but it's not.

Liz: I've cut the claws of some of the worst cats this side of...
Dov: Garfield?

Miriam: Don't tell me you're going to touch that bread with the hand that touched that cat.
Miri: The cat is cleaner than the food.
Miriam: *blink*

Dov: I was just issued a Boggle challenge. Dov happy now.

Miri: (Boggle) That was a bad round, if Dov got under 10.

Liz: You can't please all the pencils all the time.

Dov: That's why no one who goes on a snipe hunt ever finds any.

Liz: I brought a box of jelly... babies.
Dov: Now that would be an interesting thing to bring!

Rich: The jalapeņo ones are unnervingly jalapeņo-like.

Dov: I'm the good kind of evil. You hurt my feelings.

Miri: (Unwrapping a Caramello chocolate bar) ... and everyone looks on like a vulture.
Dov: That's not true. I've been looking on like a vulture for some time now.

Miriam: Ooh, what was that? I don't know, but I wanna do it again!

Yisroel: He's just making the point that he's not sharing his Man-Pocky.

Yisroel: I'm neither Chinese, vegetarian, nor a cook.
Miri: Discuss.

Miri: I will not cook on gas. It doesn't taste as good.
Liz: It's in the Torah. C'mon.

Miriam: Let's not garrote the Dov, please.
Dov: Even though I AM winning...

Yisroel: (on phone) A pair of combat tefillin?

Rich: Crush, kill, maim, destroy... Write!
Dov: Snipe!

Dov: It's not fair; she's writing snipe, not words!

Miri: You sat on the food!?
Liz: Before we were talking about couches eating DarKrow, and now he's sitting on what we eat.

Rich: Why is there a fortune-cookie fortune at the bottom of my shoe?
Dov: What does it say?
Rich: I don't know - it's all moist.
Yisroel: It says, "It's time to get a new pair of shoes."

Liz: I just drew on my face, didn't I?

Yisroel: Who decides if it's a real world?

Miri: Did you [incoherent sound] today?
Yisroel: Yes I did. Thank you for noticing.
Dov: Sure, you just took a little [other incoherent sound] is all different.

Miriam: We want to keep you around.
Yisroel: Can you earn your keep?
Rich: *thinks* Nope.
Yisroel: Are you edible?
Rich: My tender flesh shall be consumed by no man.
Dov: Now we're back to Man-Pocky.

Yisroel: The hand and eye of Vecna...
Liz: Shiny!

Yisroel: BungeeRoos - Beanie babies on a string.

Miri: Yisrael, everyone gave you their money - it was for the charcoal.
Yisroel: You mean I have to give it back?

Rich: We've scared enough people in this store for one day.

Miriam: No one is allowed to go anywhere until I finish sniping this store!

Rich: You don't want to live life on the edge?
Miriam: Not when there's food on the line.

Rich: I've got our best interests in mind - protecting the food.

Rich: Are you good at stepping over things?
Liz: Are you kidding? She got her B.A. in stepping over things.
Miriam: And English!

Liz: These are good for pareve.
Miriam: Toon does good work.
Liz: She should open a bakery.
Yisroel: An evil bakery.

Dov: It does not have "Cthulhu." I looked.

Rich: I have a theory that olive oil is what binds the universe together.
Batya: Why is that?
Dov: Because it is found in duct-tape.

Rich: I am not the Pilsbury Dough Boy.
Miri: Are you the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man?

Batya: I am head-achy and woogily.
Miri: I have asprin.
Liz: I have ibuprofin.
Batya: (to Liz) Foul temptress!

Dov: "Hatred." Cool.

Dov: I'm not a squealer, I'm a NARC!

Dov: (concerning decaf diet Coke) One offense against God and man for Liz.

Yisroel: Snipe for me! Snipe! Snipe! Snipe for me!

Dov: You can borrow someone else's religion for the moment.
Liz: For the next two minutes, I believe in Christ.

Yisroel: You promised never to let a woman come between us when we're trying to kill each other.

Miri: Remember, this outfit is also a weapon.

Miri: Are you okay, Dov?
Dov: No, a branch tripped on me.

Rich: Dov, it's been a pleasure. It's been a strange, scary, weird pleasure, but it's been a pleasure.

=====
Brunchmeet in the City, 06/27/2003
In attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Israel (Night Stalker), Eli (Greek)

Miriam: Indeed, your failure to understand that there are things much worse than death has always been your greatest weakness -
And your reliance on your friends is yours!

Miriam: You're not allowed to be evil until we get there!

Dov: I'm not a fan of sushi. If God had intended us to eat raw fish, they wouldn't be swimming around cooked.

Batya: Okay, which glass is yours and which glass is mine?
Miriam: I clearly cannot take the glass that is in front of you.

Eli: (singing to "Your Song" by Elton John) It's a little bit muggy, this feeling outside.

Eli: Where is Israel?
Dov: It's kind of over in that direction.
Eli: No...
Miri: Oh, he's probably in the bathroom. That's why I call him Yisrael. It helps to keep them differentiated.
Dov: Well, they are both long and thin.

Eli: I need a belt and a quasi-educational toy.
Dov: A belt can be a quasi-educational toy.

Batya: A man has accosted me and given me money!

=====
Ickle Brunchmeet at Miriam's, 07/10/2003
In attendance: Miri (MiriYami), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Kassandra (Dithat), Beth (Genarti), Batya (Toon)

Beth: One forest is entirely populated with princesses and homicidal maniacs. (pause, looking at Batya) And you, of course.

Batya: BRAD SMASH!
Dov: Don't make me illogical. You wouldn't like me when I'm illogical.

=====

Well, in this case it's a matter of "with great responsibility comes great power", which I kinda like.
--Batya, 07/12/2003

I just trayfed my nose!
--Seanan, 07/12/2003

Have we synced?
We sank a long time ago.
--Seanan and Merav, 07/12/2003

=====
D.C. Gerald, 07/17-20/2003
In attendance: lots of Bruncher-type people

Kassandra: Right, this is the borken door. And that's the other borken door.
Miri: Actually it's not anymore. I fixed it.
Dov: Now it's a Ravenclaw.

Dov (offering a chocolate bar): Sugar and caffeine?
Miri: Did somebody call me?

Kassandra: So do we get to call you a murderer yet? Of innocent chocolate?
Dov: No chocolate is innocent!

Miriam: That should be sniped, but I have chocolate in my hands.

Firelily: The whole state of New Jersey smells like a dead skunk. (pause) Maybe a curried dead skunk.

Dov: Oh no, there is chocolate and I don't know where it is! I told you it was sentient! It escaped and left a decoy!

Kassandra: The chocolate has been found. But careful, it might try to eat you.
Firelily: It's grown teeth!
Dov: It's evolving before our eyes!
Kassandra: It's conspiring with the puff pastry!
Dov: The chocolate is undead!
Kassandra: Again with the shambling unclean dead already!

Firelily: I think I just ate your cellphone.

Kassandra: McDuff exists! McDuff is real, dammit!
Firelily: When we get there, someone's going to introduce him, and they're going to be wearing him on their hand.

Firelily: It's New Jersey. Everything's backwards here.

Kassandra: No! No spontaneous zombie impressions! Not now!

Kassandra: My hair is in such a state that I think it could be used to catch fish.

Firelily: Tolls should be higher to get out of New Jersey.

Dov: To Philadelphia! AND BEYOND!

Firelily: I used to think that Delaware was a city in Maryland.

Firelily: You silly Brunchmae and the making with the funny!

Firelily: DarKrow, you call this Philadelphia?
Rich: No, I call Philadelphia downtown. This, I call Hell.
Firelily: It kind of looks like Queens.
Dov: No! Please tell me we're not in Queens!

Dov (to the potato chips): Do not associate with the doughnuts. They are bad people!

Rich: You are not allowed to bring outside food to Lincoln Financial Field because - get this - because of the threat of terrorism. Thank you.
Dov: After the chocolate and doughnuts, that makes a lot more sense.

Rich: The snipe sheet is trying to escape.
Miriam: The snipe sheet has been spending way too much time with the chocolate.
Dov: Imagine the snipe sheet turning sentient.

(Upon getting stopped by police:)
Miri: Even though I was going 75 mph, I didn't get a ticket.
Rich: Welcome to Philadelphia!

Dov: Do you think, if we showed them the snipe sheet, we'd get arrested?

Kassandra: Now we know Delaware exists. Or do we?

Rich: They don't call me Master of the Obvious for a reason. I mean, no reason. ...Oh god.

Rich: Smell that? That's the smell of bullshit! We're close!

Kassandra: It is now 5 a.m. Prepare for the presence of the nasty bright yellow thing in the sky.

Kassandra: Somebody comes in behind us. Pity them.
Rich: I have no more pity.

=====

...who reacts about as enthusiastically as Dracula being asked if he's accepted Jeezus Christ as his Personal Here Have A Stake Dipped In Garlic And Communion Wafers.
--Jess on Pillowfort, 07/21/2003

Campbell. Myth is good food.
--Merav, 08/04/2003

=====
Brunchmeet, 08/31/2003
In attendance: Batya (Toon), Alex (Alex), Miriam (Harmonious), Dov (the silent speaker), Liz (FireLily), Rich (DarKrow), Kassandra (Dithat), Israel (Night Stalker), Peter (Bombadil), Meghan (Goldberry), Miri (MiriYami)

Batya: Therefore we shall be loitering some more!
Kassandra and Liz: (in unison) Yay for loitering!

Batya: And it's beautiful weather out - just for you!
Peter: We brought it with us. This bag carries a lot.

Batya: My name has made Neil Gaiman's life a little weirder. I'm very happy about this.

Batya: Kids, what have I told you about sucking the life essence out of each other? Don't make me turn this car around.

Peter: Oh, no. More Oriental Fritos.

Israel: I can get raw cucumbers anytime I want. I just cast a line into my garden and reel them in.

Liz: Tongs! For you! In your eye!

Kassandra: (to Israel) You're eyeing my food, I think.
Israel: No, actually I was staring at your breasts. (under breath) What a save.

Batya: I have to hug you now.

Batya: Oh, God! She's doing the threatening chimpanzee grin.

Kassandra: (to Israel) RSA is about your height and Indian and it's obvious. Hy is a tall, skinny, WASPy Mormon dude.
Liz: My favorite superhero!

Peter: Poke him in the eye with wasabe.
Batya: *horrified stare*
*turns to awe* Cool!

Peter: It's brilliant! It's the Star-bellied Sneetches of Horror!

Batya: I'm messing around in Rich's head.
Kassandra: Isn't it fun?
Batya: Boingy, boingy, boingy!
Liz: There's a trampoline in there.
Rich: Stay in the brightly lit areas!

Rich: Why the Hell do you think I turned atheist?
Israel: God only knows.

Batya: Sjoberg/Nielsen in '04? What's the campaign slogan?
Peter: Better than a Bush to the forebrain?

Batya: Math is hard.
Dov: It is not.
Kassandra: You are weird.
Dov: Huh? *makes uncomprehending gestures at the people at the table*

Alex: (to Israel) Guard the sushi with your life. No, guard it with his (pointing at Rich) life.
Rich: Keep me out of this.
Alex: Too late.

Liz: Are there tiny little Vikings in your ears?
Batya: No there are no little tiny Vikings in my ears.
Israel: They already made their way to her brain.

Batya: Clearly, the theme of this afternoon is "Stabbity."

Miriam: We have to do something to get on the snipesheet. We are the only ones not on it.
Meghan: I'm not in it. I'm not on the Board. I don't know anything about computers. I don't know the people involved. I'm just enjoying the jokes.
Miriam: Then what's my excuse? (does double take and writes down snipe)

Dov: Dilbert and Sullivan.
Batya: *points at Dov and gibbers*

Liz: Jelly babies! They're cute and cuddly, and when you squeeze them, jam shoots out their heads!
Rich: Does Djelibeybi know?

Rich: (to Kassandra) Do you want to buy a duck?
Kassandra: I'm out of this! Out! /Out!
Israel: Out? Slash? Out?
Batya: Slashity slashity slashity! For you! In your eyes!

Batya's Fortune: If you can't decide up or down, try across... with fish.
Kassandra's Fortune: You will be awarded some great honor... pending legal investigation.
Rich's Fortune: Your family is one of nature's masterpieces... after the lobotomy.
Miriam's Fortune: Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot... if you live.

Innocent Passer-by: (in Krispy Kreme) Are you guys in line?
Rich: No, we're just getting in everyone's way.

Random Stranger: (about the Brunching Cape) The costuming for the Ren Fair must be getting really weird this year.

Batya: Ice cream!
Miriam: No!
Other random stranger: Ice cream? That's not even a question! Ice cream!
Batya: Listen to the strange lady. She knows.

Dov: (to Toon) It's not good that your brain is turning to mush, on top of that Viking infestation.

Alex: We could show them Strawberry Fields.
Dov: But that would take forever.

Peter: (singing) Tiptoe through the two-pieces...

Liz:That's the pot calling the kettle black.
Batya: I think it's more like the pot calling the giraffe surrealist.

Liz: Once again, it's Rich's fault. Take note.

Batya: It was all because of the street fair. I have never - ooh, hats.

Kassandra: La, la, la, la, la! I can't hear you! I've got tiny Vikings in my ears!

Batya: Tiny Vikings in my ears, doo-dah, doo-dah.

=====

[Toon] Oh god, I'm turning into Marti Noxon.
[JohnnyCanuck] Please, no!
[JohnnyCanuck] Stay Joss, Toon! Stay Joss!
[Toon] I'm tryin', man, I'm tryin'.
--IRC, 09/07/2003

I don't know how to say "masturbate" in Hebrew.
I'm just as glad not knowing, really.
--Merav & Batya, 09/15/2003

So we really only have ...
...one thousand and three corpses.
--Batya & Merav, ditto

[JohnnyCanuck] You do not find filk. Filk finds YOU.
[Toon] Exactly.
[Toon] It's like Cthulhu, only less tentacley.
--IRC, 09/30/2003

[JohnnyCanuck] I still say the best way to get rid of the One Ring was to put it in a box...
[Toon] and put that box in another box ...
[genarti] ... and mail that box to yourself...
[nebulous_menace] ...AND SMASH IT WITH ANDURIL!
[Toon] "Don't tell me. We're about to walk into a huge ambush." "Fraid so." "Big orcs with sharp pointy things?" "Most likely." "*deep breath* Bring it on."
[JohnnyCanuck] Gimli: BOOO-YEAAAAAH!
[nebulous_menace] *Sauron smashes down a wacky grim castle on top of Orthanc* I call it MORDORPALOOZA!
[Toon] Saruman: "But where am I going to live?" Sauron: "Hm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?"
--IRC, 10/02/2003

Once again, Toon straddles the fine line between genius and insanity whilst waving a spatula.
--JohnnyCanuck in IM, 11/07/2003

Argh. It's "go-to-work" time. I should just quit and live off the land... but the land doesn't provide high-speed internet service.
--JohnnyCanuck in IM, 11/07/2003

I'm full of quotable goodness today. It's like nougat, except less fattening.
--JohnnyCanuck in IM, 11/07/2003

I just thanked you for threatening to keelhaul my boyfriend. This is weird.
--Miriam BenEzra, 12/06/2003

Batya: Robotics convention? Are they talking about the Three Laws?
Jon: No, they're talking about how to make them not fall over when they move.
Merav: First law: don't fall over.
Batya: A robot shall not fall over, nor through inaction permit a human being to fall over.
--LMG rehearsal, 12/08/2003

=====
Chanukah Brunchmeet, 12/20/2003
In attendance: Miri, Miriam, Dov, Kassandra, Annette, Batya, Alex

Dov: On a fundamental level, is there really a difference between math and cookies?
Alex: You can't dip math in coffee.

Kassandra: I suppose fresh meat is always a good thing.
Dov: Don't you mean fresh brains?

Miri: Tired, slightly dehydrated, and back just started hurting again.
Batya: Wittenberg. *handshake*

Dov: I am a bad camel.

Batya: Sprouting diphthongs? That sounds painful.

Miriam: And because I'm not a masochist...
Batya: You're not?
Miriam: Even though I hang out with Dov a lot, I'm not.

Kassandra: Stabbity stabbity stabbity. With peach juice. In your eye. For you.
Batya: Pear juice.
Kassandra: Pear juice. Right.

Dov: It shrivels before me!
Batya: It's got good taste.

Annette: Wouldn't it be something if they had dreidel in Vegas?

Alex: My name is Stwider. I come out of the Nowth. I am hunting owcs. Hahahahaha!
Dov: Orc season! Troll season! Orc season! Troll season!
Batya: Balrog season!

Miri and Batya in stereo: Do not peel the Batya!

Batya: See, basically if you set that on fire... that'd be kinda fun.

Kassandra: Fork! Forks go stabbity stabbity stabbity.
Dov: Yay!

Dov: I am required by law to mention shambling unclean dead apples.
Batya: What would zombie apples say?
Alex: They wouldn't say anything. They're apples.

Miri: Bring on the geekery, baby!

=====
Sheva brochos for La and David, 12/28/2003
In attendance: lots of people

Eitan: We have a serious problem here. Mikey does not have a flamethrower.

Mikey: Kill them! Kill them dead! Smite them good!
Alex: Yaaay team!

Laura: Better living through chemistry.
Batya: Better living through alchemy.
Dov: Better living through necromancy.
Alex: Better living through macrame.