The Three Fine Slayers of Rupert Giles
words: Merav Hoffman, Seanan McGuire, Batya "The Toon" Wittenberg
tune: Eddie From Ohio, "The Three Fine Daughters of Farmer Brown"

Rupert Giles had a Slayer named Buffy
She was the oldest and blondest of three
She'd go straight from the cheerleadin' tryouts
To stakin' vampires in the cemetery
The vamps came a-courtin' but she'd keep her distance
(Actually she didn't, but she played it cool);
Some say she's a little bit psychotic
Burned down the gym and then blew up the school

Watcher Giles had a Slayer named Kendra
The second called and the good girl of the three
She took her lessons straight out of the handbook,
A textbook example of propriety
The vamps would attack her and she would repel 'em
Using Mister Pointy she could never miss
Claimed that she'd never needed friends or family
Sweet sixteen and she was never kissed

Ripper Giles had Faith in his Slayer;
Pity it was Faith that had the farthest to fall
Want-take-have was the whole of her scripture,
Until the day arrived she thought she'd lost it all
The Scoobies would shun her and she would condemn 'em
For bein' hypocritical, too holy-for-thou
She walked away, took sides with the Mayor,
Tellin' him 'Daddy, I'm your good girl now...'

You know the three had nothing in common
Save for the calling that they each had heard;
Kendra came running to help out Buffy,
Died at Drusilla's hands without a word
Faith didn't count on the strength of repentance
Turned back to good to keep the world alive
Buffy died twice and bid for a third one --
Sometimes the hardest thing is to survive

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