How To Survive A Murder Mystery
or, Never Say "I'll Be Right Back"
(tune: Frank Hayes, "Never Set The Cat On Fire")

Never say "I'll be right back"
When in a murder myst'ry
Once you say that and leave the pack
It's clear to all you're hist'ry
Just leave without a backward call
Or better yet, don't leave at all --
No, never say "I'll be right back."

And trust your buddies, at least until the next attack
And never say "I'll be right back."

Don't be inside an empty house
From sunset till the morning
That squeaking noise could be a mouse
Or could be your last warning
And if by chance you're stuck alone
Just don't pick up a ringing phone --
Don't be inside an empty house.

And trust your buddies, at least until the next attack
And never say "I'll be right back."

Don't even think of having sex
You're sure to be a victim
The killer's fond of breaking necks
And how d'you think he's picked 'em?
The virgins are the last to go
And just might make it through the show --
Don't even think of having sex.

And trust your buddies, at least until the next attack
And never say "I'll be right back."

Don't say you know the killer's name
Then pause to heighten tension
As soon as you have made your claim
You'll have his full attention
And if you don't speak out right then,
The body count goes up again....
Don't say you know the killer's name.

And trust your buddies, at least until the next attack
And never say "I'll be right back."
Yes, trust your buddies, at least until the next attack...
And never say "I'll be right back!"

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