The Klingon Makeup Lament
(tune: Michael "Moonwulf" Longcor, "Monster in my Head")

I'm a warrior and a fighter
Well, according to the writers
But I sit here with my backside growing numb
I do not fear death in battle
I don't fear the helmsman's prattle
I'm just waiting for the makeup guy to come

But there's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
And it makes me look so dumb

It's a lump of textured rubber
And it itches like a mother
It's a laughingstock that only I have got
It needs glue to stop it slipping
It needs harsh and stilted scripting
I need clues to find some way out of this plot

'Cause there's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
And it's getting awful hot

Now way back in Captain Kirk's day
They were hurting in the worst way
And the makeup cost whatever they could pay
That's the kind of look I'm seekin'
I don't quite look Puerto Rican
But they tell me I look good in gold lamé

Not with lobsters on my head
There's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
And it's gonna have to stay

I'm a warrior and a fighter
Well, according to the writers
But I sit here with my backside growing numb
I do not fear death in battle
I don't fear the helmsman's prattle
I'm just waiting for the makeup guy to come

But there's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on my head
I've got a lobster on my head
And it isn't any fun

There's a lobster on my head
There's a lobster on your head
We've all got lobsters on our heads
And with lobsters, we're not having any fun.



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